"Oh, yeah," I replied, grinning at the thought of the former New England Patriots tight end. “Feisty as fuck. Except he doesn't know he's a small dog. He thinks he's just as big and tough as his namesake."
"That's amazing," Rob murmured. "But I hate that ex of yours. I want to fucking kill him."
"I hate that ex of yours. The ex-friend too. I'm not the murderous type but I hope some Black Swallow-wort takes over their yards. It's one of the most invasive vines in the region. Impossible to kill."
We studied each other, the moment stretching long and taut as we assessed the texture and shape of each other's war wounds. They were numerous, several as raw and pulsing as the day we'd earned them. And yet here we were, lining up for another battle as if we'd fortified ourselves enough to stay safe and whole this time.
"I feel like an asshole saying this but it's not you, it's me," Rob said. "I'm not trying to imply that you'd do anything like they did or that I don't trust you. This is all about me and I can't change it."
I could finally hear those words without feeling the urge to make excuses or apologize. I'd done it before. It wasn't me, but I was still sorry about the version of myself available for consumption. It wasn't me, but let me list all the reasons I could've been better.
This time, I offered no apology because I was as close to whole as any broken girl could be. Pieces of myself were gone, lost to previous relationships. Tough, leathery scar tissue filled the gaps and holes where my naïveté once lived.
"I know," I said. "And I know this isn't what you want to hear but are you sure you're ready to get over her with a meaningless fling?"
"It seemed like a good plan at the time," he said, his brow crinkling. A beat passed between us before a warm glow spread over him as if he'd stepped out from behind a shadow. "But this isn't meaningless, Magnolia. Nowhere near meaningless. Hasn't been since you demanded a dick pic, love."
Another belly swoop. This guy. He didn't stop with them. Even when he should. Because, come on. He was twenty thousand leagues under the sea with his trust issues.
"Then maybe you should make a new plan," I said with a shrug.
"Let's drink to that," Rob said with a laugh. He lifted his glass. "To new plans. The meaningful kind."
I reached for my glass, paused before raising it. "Does this meaningful plan imply you're no longer looking to fuck away memories of your ex?"
"I'd still like to do that," he conceded.
I pressed my fingers against the goblet's narrow stem. "Are the terms the same?"
"I don't know yet." He reached across the table, clinked his glass against mine. "I can't make any promises."
"I don't want promises."
"Then what do you want?" he asked.
I brought the glass to my lips, smiling as I drank. "I don't know yet."
Chapter Fifteen
My date was scarfingdonuts like it was almost hibernation season.
"You eat these," I started, gesturing to the Blackbird Donuts box between us, "and you don't gain a pound. Do you?"
Andy licked a dollop of blackberry jam from her thumb, a casualty of an overzealous bite into her third donut of the morning. She spared me a sheepish glance before returning to her pastry.
"I'd hate you but that seems pointless," I muttered.
"Completely pointless," she replied. "Who would you complain to about the men chasing after you if you didn't keep me around?"
"I never said anything about getting rid of you," I replied, glancing into the box. "I'm capable of hating you while keeping you as my friend."
I'd already had a vanilla old-fashioned with Blackbird's special vanilla bean glaze but now I was thinking about that Boston Crème Bismarck. I freaking loved Boston Crème and I would've chosen it if this bakery didn't make such incredible vanilla cake donuts. I would've gotten two but I also wanted to be able to function this afternoon and not fall into a carbs-and-sugar coma.
Andy nodded, saying, "Women are complicated."
"Only the human ones," I replied. "You, my friend, are not human. You're some kind of fairy or sprite. Tinker Bell, but goth."
She put her donut down, wiped her hands on a paper napkin, and held up her pointer finger. "I'll be right back."
