He dropped his head back against the door, shrugging. "Only if you promise to keep your problems to yourself."
"I can do that."
Stremmel kicked the doors open and gestured for me to follow him. "Starting now," he warned, "you can be miserable but don't involve me in your misery."
We walked in silence, down the stairs, out of the building. The sun was high in the sky and the air was warm and scented with summer. Objectively, it was a nice day. But I couldn't appreciate any of it. Just like the song said, there was no sunshine when she was gone.
Halfway through devouring his slice, Stremmel announced, "I like this crust."
I stared at the pizza but couldn't recall tasting it. "Yeah," I agreed. "It's all right."
"Not like California pizza," he continued. "But I dig it."
I looked up at him, my brow pinched tight. "I hope you didn't strain yourself admitting there's one thing you like about this town."
Stremmel considered his pizza with a quiet chuckle. "I might deserve that."
"How do you do it?" I asked. "How are you miserable every damn day?"
He didn't answer right away, instead finishing his slice, thoroughly wiping his hands, and draining a can of soda. "Are you asking for pro tips? Lessons?" He looked me up and down. "Doesn't look like you need my help."
"It's not advice I want," I replied. "I want to know how you live this way. My head is a fucking minefield and I can feel my arteries hardening from bitterness alone. I hate everything. I scowled at a dog this morning and I don't even know why. How do you handle this—this condition? I've been at it for a little more than eight days and I'll do anything to make it go away."
"If you find the remedy, let me know," he said. "I've been at it for a little more than thirty-eight years."
33
Stella
Four things happenedafter Cal walked out of my house.
I broke my long-standing routine of walking at the pond every morning and acquainted myself with the gym on the ground floor of my office building.
McKendrick's suspension ended. He followed up his first appearance on the mound by conducting locker room interviews in a towel with one foot propped on a stool while the family jewels peeked out at reporters.
I earned my promotion, though to hear Rebecca tell it, she gifted it to me out of the goodness of her cold, dark heart. The little office party she threw for me was also a gift, one I wasn't allowed to forget. I sobbed over my cake and champagne after everyone left.
And I ended my relationships with Stephen, Leif, and Harry. Of all these things, that was the easiest. So easy I couldn't believe I'd waited this long to do it. But that was my problem, wasn't it? I stuck with things even when I knew they weren't working. I held on long after it stopped serving me.
I accomplished all that and endured multiple phone calls from my sisters and parents. They were too hopped up on their newfound obsession with Cal to keep their gushing contained to texts. Everyone wanted to know where was it going and would I bring him around for another family dinner and wasn't he wonderful?
Yeah. He was.
Serina insisted Cal was ready to wife me up. I laughed at that, both the phrase and the constant reminder I wasn't The One. Not for Cal, not for anyone.
Sophia said I deserved a man like Cal after all of my "bad luck." That I'd put my vision for a healthy relationship out into the universe and the universe sent back Cal. I laughed at that too because it was hilarious in a cruel, painful way. I'd never asked for Cal and I'd kept that fact in the foreground of my mind right up until the night he walked away.
Mom begged for Cal's mother's phone number. That yielded another hearty laugh. She wanted to befriend my future mother-in-law and who could blame her?
My father was the worst of them because he simply said he was happy for me. I didn't laugh. I cried. Ugly, snotty sobs punctuated by shuddering breaths and sniffles and hiccups. Dad thought they were happy tears and I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise.
But really, I didn't have the heart to say it out loud. Didn't want to tell them I'd lost another good guy, and not just a good guy but the best guy. The very best of them. The one who accepted me as I came, who waited for me, who wanted me all the way.
Cal was the best of them.
Despite gettingMcKendrick back in the game, I wasn't rid of him. Not yet.
His contract with me ran through the end of the calendar year which was good for the purposes of continuity but terrible for my patience. It was hard to keep a smile on my face when I woke up to nineteen text messages from him, all relating to the whereabouts of his scrambled eggs.
