"Mmhmm," Alex hummed. "And you tackling her on the trail and confessing your not-so-small obsession with her. As far as questionable behavior goes, I think I'm in the clear."
Nick held up a hand. "All right, man. You talked to the girl. You've hit the one in a million scenario where she's not married or awful or insane. I'm happy for you. I'm shocked but I'm happy this epic holding pattern has resulted in something decent. What happens next?"
I stared at my sandwich for a second as I struggled to respond. I still didn't understand last night's conversation. I knew there was something Stella wasn't saying, something big. I knew she was holding herself back, putting up a wall. And I knew this wasn't ending with me on one side of that wall and Stella on the other.
I wasn't exaggerating when I told her I didn't give up. I didn't know how. I didn't walk away when the going was tough or the odds were low. I didn't abandon my people, and whether she liked it or not I counted her in that group now.
I cleared my throat, meeting their expectant stares. "She has business travel through the weekend. She'll be back in town next week." I hesitated, reaching for my drink but only to buy myself another second. "We'll see what happens when she gets back. No need to dictate the rest of the calendar year."
"Does that mean you haven't convinced her to move in with you yet?" Alex asked.
"Yeah, I was expecting a Save The Date card in my mailbox this weekend," Nick joked. "At least making it Facebook official."
Yeah, me too.
Instead, I said, "I'm not on Facebook."
Nick and Alex shared a knowing eyeroll.
"We're taking it slow," I continued. The vision of her bitten backside filled my mind's eye and no, there was nothing slow about me and Stella."We're still figuring it out."
"What are you still figuring out?" Alex asked. "Aside from everything because you talked to her for the very first time in your life just the other day."
I dothat.I don't dothis.
"Where it's going. What we want," I said. The words tasted as lame as they sounded. "We're taking it slow."
"Sure," Alex said. Her tone informed me she didn't believe a word of it. "That's why you were hustling her out of your apartment around midnight and eating her face on Cambridge Street. That's the textbook definition of taking it slow."
"It's not what you think," I argued. "She—she doesn't do relationships."
Nick and Alex gave each otherthat sounds badeyes.
"Mmhmm," Alex replied. "Where does that leave you?"
I studied my sandwich. "She asked me to think about it and meet her on the trail next week. When she's back from LA. If I want to see her. If I'm interested."
"You will, you do, you are," Alex said. I nodded because—yeah. She was right on all counts. "Why, Hartshorn?"
"Because I know," I replied, frustrated. "Even if she doesn't know it, or doesn't believe it, I'm willing to wait until she does. And I'll tell you something, Emmerling, I think she's just being stubborn. Set in her ways."
"Yeah," she said, snickering. "Don't mention that part to her. It won't make her any less stubborn or set in her ways. If anything, it makes me sympathize with her."
I replied with an annoyed shrug.
"But why do you want to put yourself through that?" she asked.
"Why not?" I asked. "I mean, I've had months to think about this and—"
"Build her up in your crazy head," Alex interrupted. "To invent her all on your own. You've created an idea of her, Hartshorn, and the complication is that your idea probably doesn't match the reality. You've run off with your fantasy-imagination version of her. I bet she's waiting for you to come down from that cloud and that's why she wants you to think it over."
"Emmerling makes a solid point," Nick said, finally weighing in. "The information she shared with you—is it difficult to integrate that into your vision of her?"
I don't dothis.I dothat.
I don't do the thing you want.
"Stella needs some time to catch up," I said. "That's what I'm going to do. Give her time."
