"That doesn't even scratch the surface, babe." He shook his head against my chest. "This can't make much sense without the full context," he said. "Silicon Valley is a complex place, and myfirm—
"Cole, stop," I interrupted. I wanted to know just enough, but not everything. "I understand what you're saying. You don't have to explain all the bits and pieces tome."
He tipped his face up, his brow wrinkled as if he'd misheard me. "Idon't?"
I stared out the window for a long moment. When I was a kid, I believed all manner of sea monsters lived in the Atlantic's deep, cold waters. They were out there, swallowing up boats and fighting whales and sharks. In my kid brain, I convinced myself that I was safe as long as I could see the shoreline. Monsters never dared to enter the tidalzone.
That was how I felt about Cole, and the life he led separate from me. If we stayed on familiar ground, we'd besafe.
"You own a technology firm," Isaid.
"Fifty-one percent of it," he added. "My founding team and the shareholders own therest."
"You own most of a technology firm," I started, "and a dickhead guy screwed you over. That's all I need toknow."
Even after all these years working the water, part of me still believed in the great, unknown sea monsters. Beasts that would sneak up and strike withoutwarning.
"Are you sure about that?" Coleasked.
"I am. I want Cole, the lost sailor. The man overboard. The guy who intrudes on my jerkoff sessions," I said with a chuckle. "Let's not muck this up with too much reality.Okay?"
Cole tipped his face up and stared at me, his lips folded in a tight line and his brows still wrinkled. For a second, I thought he was going to call me on my bullshit. Hold up my objections as illogical and unreasonable, and something I'd never accept if he tried to pull the same maneuver. But he pressed his palm to my heart, gave me a quick smile, and said, "Okay."
"Okay?" Irepeated.
"Yeah, talking about corporate shit stresses me out," he replied. "I'd rather hear about you. Why hasn't some guy snapped you up? You're one helluva cook, you bathe regularly, and you have the baddest sex toy box. That's the full bear package rightthere."
I dropped my head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling while a soft laugh rolled through my chest. "Maybe I don't want to besnapped."
"Everyone wants to be snapped," Cole replied. "There's no one in the world who doesn't want it. We want it in different ways, at different times, but we still want it.Needit, even when we say we don't. We want to be accepted, cherished, adored. We want someone to recognize our messy, complicated souls, and love us for those messes andcomplications."
"Maybe," I conceded. "But some people just want to get fucked while they're onvacation."
"Are you talking about me?" Cole pushed off my chest and glared down at me. "You know I didn't even bring lube with me. I didn't come here expecting to getfucked."
I hooked my arms around his torso and returned him to my chest. "No, I'm not talking about you, silly boy," I said. "But you're not the first guy to spend the summer in Maine. Too many times, I've fallen hard for some pretty young thing, only for him to leave at the end of the summer without a backward glance. It's vacationland for them, and vacations neverlast."
Cole planted small kisses along my sternum, humming as he went. "I'm sorry,babe."
"They always went back to their girlfriends, too," Igrumbled.
"I hate them," he hissed. "They didn't deserve you, or your gold-medaldick."
I wrapped my arms around him as a laugh rocked through me. "Gold-medal dick?Thatgood?"
Cole snorted. "You know I'm not going to be able to sit for a week," he said. "Aside from those pretty young things, hasn't anyone else tried to keepyou?"
"I don't want to be kept," I said, immediately hating the tense of my words.Didn'twant. Didn't.But I couldn't take it back now, and I couldn't color my relationship history to suit my purposes. "There's a vibrant queer community in Portland. The West End side of downtown has some great bars and restaurants, and I meet up with friends about once a month. Sometimes, I hookup with a fuck buddy. It's not a bigdeal."
Cole was silent for a moment, then he asked, "Am I your fuck buddy? Is that what we'redoing?"
I sanded my fingers through his hair, hoping my touch could speak all the words I wasn't ready to say and he wasn't ready to hear. "No. You're my littleprince."
He nodded. "I can live withthat."
18
Sextant
