"You're taking Hartshorn to that football game," I said. "The one next month. What happened to thatpromise?"
Riley shook his head and brought his fingers to his temples. "That fucking guy," he murmured to himself. "I told Hartshorn thatthe four of uscould go to the game." He pointed at me. "You, me, Hartshorn, the woman he's stalking. I have to say, I find that whole situation a little unsettling. I told him to make a move or get a new hobby before he's going to be slapped with a restrainingorder."
"Why?" I asked. I couldn't keep up with any of this. "Why would you want to do somethinglikethat?"
"Because I love you," he said. "And I'll keep fucking things up"—he cut a glance to the side, grimacing—"but I'm hoping those instances will be smaller and less fucking awful because these past nine days have been the worst of my life and I can't go through thisagain."
He held out a hand to me. I glanced down at it, wanting to take it but terrified I was his backup plan. I couldn't do it. I didn't have the strength to take second place in hisheart.
"Come here, Honeybee," he whispered. "You're so far away and I've missed yousomuch."
I shook my head. No. I couldn't. Not yet. "What about Lauren? Your onetruelove?"
Those words were sharp, but as I watched them slice through Riley, I wasn't sure who theyhurtmore.
"I loved the idea of her," he said. "And I loved the idea of being loved by—by someone who understoodme." He glanced around the apartment, looking at the walls and furniture as if they'd changed since his last visit. "And I think I wanted someone to love the way Matt loves Lauren. Completely and loyally, and without any restrictions or limits. I wanted that, but I never wanted to comebetweenthem."
"Are you sure about that?" I snapped, shoving my hands in my coat pockets. "How do you know you won't feel differently the next time youseeher?"
"I saw her this morning," he replied. "I spilled coffee all over my crotch and literally fell out of my chair when I realized how fucking delusional I've been." I glanced at his jeans but found no stains. "I went home and changed. I wasn't begging for your forgiveness with wet pants, and there were crumbseverywhere,too."
"Crumbs?" I asked, the word tumbling into a hystericalgiggle.
Riley sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "From the plate of croissants I knocked over before I hit the fucking floor. How's that for you, Aly? I was in a puddle of coffee and croissants, and wishing you were there to laugh at me." He stared at me, his eyes sharp and certain. "I don't want her. Not now, probably not ever. I wanted theideaof her, and you have to know that the reality of you is far better than any idea I'veeverhad."
He reached for his belt, yanked his zipper down, and pushed his jeans to his knees. His boxers were goldenrod and printed with a pattern I couldn't identify from this distance. Then he pivoted, giving me hisbackside.
"What are you—oh," I mumbled.Follow the yellow brick roadwas embroidered across his ass in shiny redthread. "Oh."
"I've had these for a few weeks. I seem to have developed a thing forThe Wizard of Oz," he said, shifting back to face me. "I know that some boxer shorts don't prove anything but I also have a notebook full of drawings of you. Of Gastro Girl. You're the only woman I've ever drawn. No one else. Not Lauren. Only you." He pointed to the backpack he'd abandoned by the front door. "And I've been drawing you since that night at Nick and Erin'shouse. "
"Is that it?" Iasked.
I was aiming for flippant but my words came out closer to thin and fragile. And that was exactly how I felt. I'd barely slept in the days we'd been apart, and I'd worked so hard at distracting myself from the pain of being second best once again that I'd only exacerbated it. And now…I couldn't breathe or blink without a reminder of how much I missed him. How much I needed him. How, despite all the firm decisions I'd made and lines I'd drawn in the sand, I waswavering.
"There's a dozen cannoli in there, too. I figured it couldn't hurt." He scratched his chin. "I thought about hiding a ring in one of them, but then I realized you'd be too busy scarfing down the cannoli to notice. And then that would be a giant disaster, you know, with a goddamn diamond in your stomach." He gestured to my coat and scrubs. "Knowing you, you'd want to perform your own ring retrieval surgery. At the very least, you'd want to be awake during the whole thing so you could tell everyone they're doing it wrong. I have to be honest here, Aly, I don't think I could deal with that after the week I've had. I can't handle the idea of you going under the knife and being away from me again. I'd be a fucking wreck. More than I am right now, if you canbelieveit."
"It would be endoscopic," I said, because that was the only thing I could manage. "No scalpelsinvolved."
Riley waved his hands in aLike that mattersgesture. "So, I brought cannoli," he continued. "And because my better judgment won out, there's no ring in there. But know that I want you—and only you—for the rest of my days." He offered a lopsided smile and held out his hand to me again. "If I haven't sufficiently apologized or met the criteria for redemption, I'll keep trying. I'll wait." A smirk pulled at his lips. "I'm really good atwaiting."
I gripped the ends of my stethoscope, needing something to hold onto while my heart thumped straight out of my chest. "Be sure," I whispered. "Be really fucking sure because I won't survive thisagain."
"I'm not good at too many things,"hesaid.
"Don'tsaythat—"
He waved me off. "Let me finish. It's true. I can't speak eloquently and I knock shit over all the fucking time. I have a narrow subset of skills that mostly involves reciting song lyrics, knowing which sandwiches are best with chips in the middle, redesigning old homes, and giving people nicknames." He took a step closer, right into my space, and the absence of that distance crushed the last of my resolve. "I'm not good at many things. But I'll always be goodtoyou."
And that wasit. Like those prize fighters who circled each other for ages before throwing the one punch that ended it all, Iwasdone.
ChapterThirty-One
Riley
"Comehere,"I said, my voice rough and desperate. "Please. Just come overhereand—"
And she did. She flew into my arms and held me with a fierce grip, and all the relief in the world washed over me. I buried my face in her hair and sucked in abreath.
