"You'rewelcome."
We stared at each other, and I sensed the physical presence of my affection for her taking on a new shape, one that was colored with good moments and bad moments, care and concern, and a love that knew nothing of lust orromance.
I heard a throat clearing nearby, but didn'tlookaway.
"Are we allrighthere?"
Lauren's smile bloomed into a heated smirk as she tore her gazefrommine.
To Matt. The throat clearer. He was standing beside us, his hair damp and his gym bag hooked over hisshoulder.
"We're great," she said as she stood. "You sit. I'll be right back, and I'll grab you asnack."
She kissed him quickly and headed through the café, toward the restrooms. I felt nothing. No stir of jealousy, no resentment.Nothing.
Matt took her seat, again asking, "Are we allrighthere?"
I didn't know how to answer, not when I was still attempting to understand the emotional shape-shifting I'd experienced this morning. This morning, and the past few months, too. This didn't start today, but itdidend.
Matt leaned forward, his arms folded on the table. "I trust you," he said solemnly. "You know that, right? That I trust you to handleyourself."
I had a quip ready about great power and great responsibility, but then I caught the serious glint in his eyes. It didn't make any sense and I had no evidence beyond an ominous statement and aglintbut—heknew.
Heknew.
"I trust you to do the right thing," hecontinued.
It wasn't a warning. Just a statement. A confirmation of facts we both understood, objective andpassionless.
I'd imagined moments like this a million times. When I'd lay it all out there for Matt, and then walk away with the victor's spoils. But this was not that moment, and there was no victor because there'd been no fight. I wasn't waging a holy war for Lauren anymore—had I ever, really?—and I wasn't leading with my confused brand of heartsicknesseither.
"I trust you enough to let my wife come here alone," he said. "And I trust her more than anyone.Includingyou."
I could manage only a spastic nod inresponse.
Lauren emerged from the restrooms and paused in front of the café's display case, and we both shifted to track her movements. That yielded another throatclearing.
And then the words were sliding out before I could think better of them. "How long have youknown?"
"Long enough. You can only joke about her leaving me so many times before I start looking a little closer," Matt replied. He was still calm and even, and studying me as if the entire world hadn't been thrown off its axis for the second time today. "But she doesn't know." He knocked his knuckles against the table. "Can we keep itthatway?"
Those words, they detonated a series of tiny explosionsinsideme.
"There's nothing—Alex—no, but I—I mean, Alex, and I—I never, I was never going to do anything, you know? And I wouldn't—holy fuck, did you think I'd?—We'd? Have you? Did you? Does anyone else? But-but-but-but-but—Alex—"
Then I knocked the coffee cup from its saucer, sending lukewarm liquid into my lap. In my attempt to right the cup, the pastries flew from the plate. I tried to catch one midair but that only resulted in me tripping out of my chair. I looked up at Matt from the floor, coffee and bread alloverme.
I hadn't completely shaken off theshambles.
"No," he said quietly. "This is between you and me. No one else knows." He tipped his head, watching Lauren at the counter. "And I don't want to make you dig your own grave before I kill you, but I'll do it if the situationwarrantsit."
If Hartshorn had been lusting over Alex and biding his time until I was out of the picture, I didn't think I could've managed Matt's cool. I wouldn't have been able to hold this conversation without also wrapping my hands around his throat and watching him struggle foroxygen.
But Matt was one of the best people. So good that he'd stand by while I painted myself into a complicated fairy tale with no hope of a happy ending. So good he could confront me—and put the foundations of our relationship right there on the table—with only one threat of mortal violence. He was the best people, and I deserved to be sitting in a mess ofpastry.
"I love Alex," I said, breathless. "She's the only one I want. Isweartoyou."
Lauren loomed over me, iced coffee and a yogurt cup in her hands, and a worried expression on her face. "I leave you two for five minutes and you get into a foodfight."
