"You're not ready," I repeated, my chest aching with every word. The only thing separating us from a night of promises and make-up sex was the wobbly knowledge that I wasn't the first choice. That even if Riley had no intention of pursuing Lauren, he'd long ago carved out a special place for her. Who could compete with that? And why would I choose tocompete?
"I saw it for myself. She's the one you wanted to be the one, and you're not ready to lethergo."
"Alex," he protested. "You're wrongaboutthat."
"I know you believe I'm wrong, but I can't stick around while you fall out of love with her,"Isaid.
Ohfuck, thosewordshurt.
"Fucking hell, Alex. Don't say that," he said. "Just don't say that. Everything that happened before us is just that—before. None of itmatters."
Even an hour ago, that declaration would've closed the deal. Riley could've put the story of his last-season love for her on the table, and I would've believed him when he said it was a thing of the past. An affection now gathering dust on the shelf alongside youth soccer trophies and the Brothers of Sigma Alpha Epsilon Founder's DayCelebrationmug.
More than that, I would've understood. I would've accepted it as a chapter of his life before we'd met, and set it aside along with thoughts of the women who'd shared his bed before me. But stumbling across the truth like this upendedeverything.
"I'm leaving now," I said, prying his fingers from mywaist.
"Not without me you're not," Riley said, his words loaded with heat. "We're not finished with thisconversation."
I'd held my emotions in check for too long. I didn't have the strength to argue with Riley about whether there was more to sayandwalk out of this house without bursting into tears. So, I replied with a jerky shrug and brought my hand to the knob. A heavy moment passed before he released his hold onthedoor.
The house was a maze of doors and staircases—I was on the short road to distraught—and couldn't remember where I was going when we exited the bedroom. Riley reached out, grabbing my elbow, and steered me to the main hallway. When we reached the foyer, he hooked a thumb over his shoulder, toward the back of thehouse.
"I need to let everyone know we're heading out," he said. "Comeon."
I hated the slow, deliberate way he was forming each word. I hated that he was as devastated as I was right now and working just as hard to keep ittogether.
Riley didn't wait for me to agree, instead leading me through the first floor and into the kitchen. His siblings and Andy were gathered there, seated around the table. In the adjoining family room, their significant others were scattered on sofas. All eyes snapped to us as weappeared.
"Finally," Shannon said, waving Riley to the table. "We're reviewing the feedback we received from the agents who came through, and deciding what wewantto—"
"Burn it down?" he interrupted. "Leave the doors and windows open all winter and hope nature does itsworst?"
"No and no," Andy said, her arms outstretched as if she was holding brawlers at bay. "The options are sell it orkeepit."
"We're selling," Riley snapped. "There's never been a question about that, so why do we keepasking?"
"It's a big decision," Sam said grudgingly. "It deserves a thoroughdiscussion."
"Sam's right," Matt said, his head braced between hishands.
"Are you sure? Because none of us want to be here right now," Riley argued. "And the worst part is that we might be able to go home tonight, but we can never leave this place." His gaze traveled over each of his siblings. "You think some paint changes that? Maybe refinished floors, new pipes, a few solar panels? Clean up the landscaping and chase away the evil living in thewalls?"
"Let's not do this, Riley," Shannon said softly. She brought her hands to her belly, rubbing. "We're not digging up the deadtonight."
"I'd really like this to be over,"Erinsaid.
"You know what's amazing?" Riley continued. "That we lived. That we can walk the fuck away from this house and never look back." He leaned forward and tapped the papers on the table. "It's time to walk the fuck away andstayaway."
The table fell silent, and I was immediately aware that I didn't belong here. This was a family meeting. At the minimum, I belonged on the other side of the room with Tiel, Will, Nick, and…her. Lauren. She was cooing over baby pictures on Tiel's phone, and as much as I tried, I couldn't find it in me toresenther.
I saw it. I saw all the things Riley loved about her. Everything about her was feminine and pretty, and sweet and adorable. She'd baby him and he'd love it. I wasn't maternal and I couldn't pull off sweet with ten pounds of sugar, and I wasn't about to be any of that. And he didn'twantthat. Notreally.
And I couldn't be the backup. I had to draw the line somewhere, and if it wasn't at the hospital or with my family, it was going to be with here, withRiley.
Eventually, Patrick said, "Riley's right. It's time to end this discussion." He reached for a packet and flipped through the pages, stopping periodically to scribble his signature. Looking up, he held the packet out to Shannon. "You know he'sright."
From the corner of my eye, I saw Will approaching. He stopped behind Shannon's chair, his hands resting on hershoulders.
