"That's right, I don't," I said darkly. "I know he screwed you over and left you doubting every-fucking-thing when it comes to relationships but I don't bring it up. It's you and me, Alex. Not you, me, and fuckingSteve."
She shook her head as she stepped toward me, her lips parted. "Riley, I was justasking—"
"I know what you're asking and here's your answer," I hissed. "I'm not in love with Dorrance. I don't have any residual feelings for her, nothing more than basic nostalgia. It's over, I'm happy it's over, and I don't think about her. I want the best for her, of course, but I don't love her. Ineverlovedher."
"Then why…" Alex's voice trailed off and she tipped her head to the side, confused. "Why did you need me to go to RISD Weekendwithyou?"
"Because she refuses to recognize that I ended things with her," I shouted. "And because I'm a dumb fool and I can't help but get caught up in her crazy art schemes and pumpkin patch hops, I needed a fake girlfriend to play some offenseforme."
"You're…you don't have feelings for her?" Alexasked.
"Not at all," I yelled. "She was a million fucking years ago. I don't even know who I was back then, and I'm sure as shit not that guy now." I strode toward Alex but she held up her hands, warning me off. "I'm not even the same guy I was fourmonthsago."
She shook her head, staring at the floor as she backed away from me. "I don't understand," she whispered. Her eyes were hooded and her hands were quivering, and I didn't know how to stop what I'd started. I shouldn't have said anything. "I don't understand. You've been…there wassomeone. I know it. If it's not Dorrance, whoisit?"
"Alex. Let it go." I pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes and paced to the opposite side of the room. "You have nothing to worryabout."
"Hey, Riley," Lauren drawled from the doorway. My entire body swiveled toward her, and I gazed, pleading for something. Anything. I couldn't decide whether to forcefully escort her from the room or beg her to stay and create a diversion. "Just the man I was looking for. Can I get a minute with you while everyone else is occupied?" Lauren stepped into the room and caught sight of Alex. "Hi, Alex. Didn't see you overthere."
"Not a good t-t-t-t-time, MissHoney."
She glanced between me and Alex, and then nodded to herself as she recognized she'd walked into a heavy conversation. To her credit, her bright smile never faltered. "I'll text you later," she said, pulling the door shutbehindher.
I stared after her, digging deep to find a solution. I couldn't fuck this problem away and I probably couldn't feed it either. That left me with words, and I'd never been good withthose.
Alex's eyes swung from the closed door to me, her lips parted. "It's her," she said. "It's always been her,hasn'tit?"
I tried to deny it but my tongue wouldn't betray the old, hardened scars on my heart by forming thewords. "Yes."
ChapterTwenty-Six
Alexandra
I'd almost missed it.The tender, needy way Riley's eyes drank her in. The imperceptible lean in her direction. The smile that was more than familiar.And I'd almostmissedit.
But instead of swerving to avoid hitting a stalled car, I plowed rightintoit.
It wasn't Dorrance. Of course it wasn't Dorrance. But he'd been wading through something, something that seemed impossible to him. But nothing was impossible for Riley. He was brilliantly creative, attractive and funny, and had a family who adored him. And yet there'd beensomething.
"Hi, Alex," she said, all smiles and joy. "Didn't see you overthere."
Riley shook his head, his eyes still glued to her. "Not a good t-t-t-t-time, MissHoney."
"I'll text you later,"shesaid.
Riley watched her go, gazing after her like she was—the one. It was her. Lauren. The one with the awkwardly comforting stories of blow jobs gone bad.The one with thehusband.
"It's her," I said. "It's always been her,hasn'tit?"
"Yes."
And she wanted timealonewithhim.
And he had anicknameforher.
And I was silly and stupid, and too desperate for affection to know better. It was her. It had always been her. The one Riley had been pining over all thesemonths.
Oh. Oh Jesus, oh fuck.I had to leave. Collect the tattered edges of my dignity and go.I should've known. I should'veknown.
