"What does that mean?" April asked. "Do you know something about this list?"
Crossing my arms, I leaned against the closet door as I studied her. I wasn't sure I recognized the woman in front of me. I knew those lips, those eyes, that dark braid, but I knew the easygoing beach chick who liked historical romances and kitchen sink salads. The spy—the one who kicked my ass without a hair sliding out of place—wasn't the one who carved a spot for herself in my heart.
"I do," I said, "and one week ago, I would've told you. I would've shared anything and everything with you, but then you gave me a burner phone number and dropped off the grid before breaking into my apartment andstabbingthe shit out of me." I shook my head. The sting of being the subject of April's deception didn't soothe quickly, regardless of the reason. "Sorry, sweetheart, but I can't read you in just yet."
April set my phone on the bedside table and approached me, her hands held out. "I had to come here. I had to tell you," she whispered. "Even if it meant disappearing for a while. Even if it meant hurting you. Even if it meant hurting myself. I couldn't let you go without the truth."
She gazed up at me with eyes like a moonless night, and my defenses started crumbling.
"You promised you'd come back to me when your affairs were in order," she continued. "I felt it was only right to extend you the same courtesy."
I didn't refuse her this time, instead allowing her fingertips to travel over my chest and arms.
"What are you going to do?" she asked, tracing the frog skeleton tattoo on my shoulder.
Her eyes were cast down, and I couldn't read her expression. I was left gazing at the sweep of her dark eyelashes and wondering how I'd find an answer to her question.
I'm going to take Renner down and tear apart what's left of his shop.
I'm going to lose myself in your embrace and pretend there's a way for us to move forward.
I'm going to strip you naked and torment your body for a good long while.
I'm going to watch you leave, and then spend the rest of my days hating myself for letting you go.
"I'm going to call my partner, and then take a drive down to Virginia," I said finally. "He's gonna want to burn Langley down, but I'm sure we'll mention where they might find Renner. They also need a primer on how their assets dicked-over a major rescue operation."
"That can wait until the morning," she said. "It's late."
"You of all people should know there's no rest for spies," I argued.
April's eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks and she nodded, her palms flat on my chest. It wasn't what she'd wanted to hear, and it wasn't what I'd wanted to say.
"I'm sorry about stabbing you," April said after several silent minutes. "And the solar plexus strike. I didn't need to do that, but I can't remember the last time someone relieved me of my weapon and lived to tell about it."
"It seems we're more alike than we'd suspected," I said. "But you already knew that, didn't you?"
She dropped her forehead to my bare chest. The contact was light, but it sent my entire body into overdrive. My breath whooshed out in a startled, needy gasp. My skin pebbled at her nearness. My vital organs were slamming against muscle and bone, undecided whether they were alive with arousal or protecting themselves in advance of another battle.
"I'm sorry about misleading you," she whispered. "I wanted to tell you the truth so many times. I've never wanted to do that before. Not once. Not for anyone. Only you, Jordan."
That took the fight right out of me, and though it ran contrary to every shred of reason, I wrapped my arms around her waist and yanked her close.
"Do you remember that morning at your cottage?" she asked. My chin bobbed against the crown of her head. "I was going to tell you everything. I've never broken my cover before, but I was going to do it for you."
"You must've been a damn good spy," I murmured into her hair. "You still are."
"I'm going to stick with the cakes and bodywork. The Montauk gossip mill is plenty of excitement for me," she said, nuzzling her face into my chest.
Come closer. I fucking missed you, honey.
"But you left Montauk," I said.
April shook her head and then slipped away from me to untie her boots. She yanked them off, shoved her socks in each, and then loosened her braid. "I had to clear out, yeah," she said. "I had to go back to my old handler, and make sure the CIA didn't think your shop was colluding with Renner. It's unlikely, but why else would he hire me to track you?"
"Because he's a cum-guzzling weasel," I said.
"I'm not arguing with that," she said, returning to my arms. "Jordan, you have to know that if any part of this went off the rails—including you suggesting that I'd shared classified intel regarding an ongoing CIA operation—I had to vanish." Her expression turned pained. "If everything settles down, I'll go back to Montauk soon. I liked it there. It was finally starting to feel like home, and I want it to be home again."
Her hands dropped to my belt, and my jeans were on the ground seconds later. I reciprocated, peeling her close-fitting layers off and delighting in her smooth skin. "What about your Social Security number, and the grandmother from Arizona?"
April shot me an amused glance. "Retired spies like to keep a low profile," she said. "Some creative bookkeeping makes that easier." She pulled the duvet back and then gestured to the bed. "Which side do you sleep on?"
A wiser, more pragmatic version of me would've recounted her betrayals and penchant for knife fighting, and tossed her out on her ass.
This intensely flawed and foolish version of me pulled her body against mine and kissed her hard enough to steal her breath. I took her to bed and loved her like I wanted to destroy her.
There were no promises, no declarations, no words beyond the most basic expressions of need and assent, but our bodies hadn't forgotten how to say everything we couldn't.
