Lauren lifted a shoulder and paused to sip her mimosa. “We’re taking a laid-back approach to the whole wedding planning thing. We just want friends and family on the beach and some good food and music. Nothing elaborate or formal.”
It sounded glorious, and completely void of all bridezilla tendencies to which otherwise intelligent, levelheaded women fell prey.
“They also needed to get married as soon as humanly possible,” Shannon snorted.
“We wanted to get married before things got crazy at my school, and yes,” she sighed, “we want to be married soon.”
“Are you a teacher?” Lauren looked like a teacher. Not in an ugly sweater, chalk on the seat of her pants way, but in a kind, patient way that she’d listen attentively to your story about shadow monsters in the library, then plot ways to scare them off.
“I used to be,” Lauren said. “I taught third grade for six years, and I’m opening a school in September.”
“Wow.” I was officially finished hating her. Lauren was genuinely warm and sweet, and I felt drawn to her.
“Yeah, yeah, Lauren’s amazing and incredible. Let me tell you about Hunter. Ohmigod. Disastrousness. Why do I think these guys are worth my time?”
“Where did you meet him again?”
“The Genius Bar at the Apple store.” Shannon rolled her eyes and groaned.
“Was he a Genius?” Lauren asked skeptically.
“No. Just a dude who was there, waiting in line, but that boy had no personality, and—get this—he expected me to pay. Not ‘hey, let’s split this’ but ‘hey, you’re picking this up, right?’ He was just rude about it.” She shook her head. “Then he decides to reconfigure my phone to optimize the memory or whatever. I told him I was pleased with its performance, and would like to hear more about him, and he said I would be really impressed with the difference.”
“Are you?” I asked.
“No,” she answered. “No. And I wouldn’t be shocked to discover some pervy surveillance app on here. I ended up sitting there for half an hour while he dicked around with my phone. I couldn’t even text Sam to call me with a fake emergency.”
“Shannon,” Lauren sighed. “No more boys for you. No more hook-ups. You’ve met every weirdo in Boston. You need to let the universe take over now. Accept that there is a plan for you and surrender.”
Shannon opened her mouth to speak but paused when our lunches arrived. Once the waitress left, she removed all the avocado from her chicken, jicama, and avocado salad. She noticed me staring, and offered the plate of discarded avocado. “I like a tiny bit of avocado flavor but I don’t like biting into avocados. The texture is weird.”
“Sure,” I murmured, accepting the plate. Getting used to that level of friendly familiarity would take some time.
Shannon pointed at Lauren with her fork. “I don’t feel like I need a relationship to be happy. By no means. I’m totally happy in my skin right now. I like my independence. I don’t want to get on a daily call-text-email program with some guy, and I really don’t want him getting miffed when I can’t hold up my end of that bargain. I don’t have time for the off-the-deep-end kind of relationship you and Matt have.” She sent a horrified look in Lauren’s direction and shook her head. “But I don’t want to miss out on someone really great because I’m not looking.”
As the words slipped from Shannon’s mouth, I wondered whether she hacked into my psyche to find them. Eating the avocado she picked out of her salad didn’t seem quite as weird anymore.
“Well…neither was I,” Lauren replied. “I certainly attempted to send him on his merry way a couple of times, regardless of whether it made any sense.”
“Yeah. That. I don’t have time for dramatic shit, or obsessing about the random things some guy said or did, or didn’t do. I can’t even start with that. And I don’t want to wake up with fourteen cats when I’m forty-eight.”
“I wouldn’t let that happen to you, Shan. I’d intervene after two cats. Hell, we’d have a come-to-Jesus when the first one showed up.” Lauren shook her head. “And let me remind you of something you said not too long ago—it just happens when you stop looking for it.”
“You’re saying I need to stop looking so I don’t start hoarding cats.”
“Yes,” Lauren said.
“I can’t make any promises, but…I’ll see what I can do.”
“So Andy, we were going to hit a few boutiques around town if you’d like to come along. We have a wedding dress to find. We arechoosingto be happy today, and not letting anything drag us down.” Lauren directed a pointed stare at Shannon, and she nodded in response. “I don’t want a poufy dress, and not necessarily a white dress, so we’re looking for something a little different.”
“As if you could wear white anyway,” Shannon laughed. “We’re skipping the bridal boutiques, Andy, so this is the end of our champagne, and I doubt we’re going to find any sparkly tiaras.”
“Somehow I think I’ll survive.”
“Good,” Shannon barked. “You’re part of the family now, and you have a vagina so you’re obligated to look at dresses with us. Sam’s the unofficial vagina that we usually drag along and he’s busy hating the world these days so we really need you.”
I always knew I wanted to work at Walsh Associates as an architect, but it wasn’t until they welcomed my vagina into their makeshift sisterhood that I knew I wanted to be part of their family.
