Subject: History
E–
You know I’d rather talk this out than go back and forth over email, but you can’t find five minutes to call me or get on Skype. One of these days, you need to explain to me what it is you do with those volcanoes.
She doesn’t know anything about Mom or Angus, and she doesn’t know anything about you and Shannon, but hear me out before you tear into me.
She was raised right, with parents and structures and rules, and happiness and Christmas cards, and you know, decent human beings. You should see her mother’s travel blog, E. It’s like rainbows and puppy dogs and lollipops. That’s what Lauren came from. She’s not like us. She’s good. She might also be a trained assassin, but she’s good.
It was bad enough bringing her to the office for one afternoon. She doesn’t need the highlights of the past twenty years. Trust me on this.
M
From: Erin Walsh
To: Matthew Walsh
Date: October 5 at 05:09 CEST
Subject: RE: History
M–
Volcanologists study the remains of dead or dormant volcanoes, and analyze copious amounts of data in the monitoring of those volcanoes that are active, and those the data suggest will soon become active. At its heart, volcanology is concerned with tracing the mechanisms and causes of volcanic eruptions, pinpointing data trends in advance of eruptions, and drawing correlation and causality between eruptions, Earth’s geological history, and humans and their environments. My work is largely geodesic (studying the correlation between shifts in the planet’s geometry and ground deformations following volcanic incidents) and geochemical (studying the chemical structures of the planet and its volcanic products, specifically, emitted gases).
And you’re wrong. You’re 100% wrong. Are you just hoping she won’t stay around long enough to find out, or that you’ll be able to bleach that particular asshole?
If she’s the fairy princess you’d like to believe she is, she can handle it and you should let her.
–e
From: Matthew Walsh
To: Erin Walsh
Date: October 7 at 03:39 EDT
Subject: RE: History
Hey Little Mermaid–
It appears I’ve had a few adult beverages tonight. You can I call now?
That’s a stupid question. You’re probably scuba diving volcano or doing shots of ouzo. don’t combine the 2.
I know it’s selfish but I you should come home. You’ve been away for sooooo long. First U-Hawaii, and now Portugal/Spain/Italy/wherever the fuck you are. It’s been like 19 years ok not really more like 6 and I know you’re pissed at Shannon, and sometimes I’m pissed at her for you, but when are you coming home?
Sometimes I wish I could leave like you did. You’re probably petting turtles in the Galapagos and that’s really cool. Like really fucking cool. Turtles are awesome.
Wait. The Galapagos aren’t near Spain. Why the fuck are you in South America now?
Anyway. My life is pretty much a giant bag of dicks. It’s 3 in the morning and I’m cleaning up another one of Sam’s designs that will probably win 9 different awards for and he wont mention that anyone made sure the goddamn structure stayed up. It’s taking a really long time to fix his shit, but that might be alcohol’s fault. Don’t tell him. Ill make sure its all ok. lol. But probably shouldn’t do structural analysis and get blasted on whiskey.
Patrick has me babysitting Riley and I swear to god, E, he doesn’t know how to zip his motherfucking pants. I see his dick more than I see my own and that’s problematic for many reasons. I started calculating the probability of seeing his junk on a given day then decided to gag myself instead.
Did we leave him with a pack of wolves or a bucket of lead paint for a couple of years or something? He is a fratty brochild and I don’t have enough shit together to be a father right now. side note: did you know he’s crashing at sam’s place? I don’t think ive ever BEEN to sam’s place. I sure as shit haven’t been invited to stay over.
like I said: big bag o’dicks.
