May
Sam:I'm walking out the door in a couple of minutes. What can I bring you?
Tiel:Nothing.
Sam:Bagels? The ones with the chocolate chips? Or cappuccino? Anything?
Tiel:No. I'm fine.
Sam:How are you feeling? Are you any better? Less pain?
Tiel:Not really
Tiel:I'm just tired and sad and everything hurts right now
Sam:Sweetheart…please tell me what you need.
Sam:Mac and cheese? Cinnamon and sugar toast? Whiskey?
Tiel:Can you put the baby shirts away? I don't want to see them right now.
Sam:Of course
Tiel:Just come home and be with me please.
Sam:I'm leaving now.
Adull, sinking ache lived in my chest. I tossed my glasses on my countertop and pressed my fingers to my eyelids with a yawn as the din of nail guns and workers rang around me. The Brookline property was buzzing with activity as the final days of the project loomed near, but I knew I should have stayed with Tiel today. She'd ordered me to leave, insisting that she wanted to sleep.
Shannon appeared at the kitchen doorway, her phone and water bottle tucked in one hand, and a wall sconce in the other. "Hey, I need you to—"
"Nope," I interrupted. I blinked and replaced my glasses before shoving my things into my messenger bag. "I have to leave for the rest of the day."
"What?" Shannon snapped. "What are you talking about?Youwanted all hands on deck to get ready for the photographers next week. You were gone all yesterday afternoon, and I still have a list of things to work through with you because of it. I need you here."
I was ready to yell at her. To throw something. To expel all the grief and frustration I'd been hoarding since the ultrasound tech ceased chattering about baby names, and started murmuring to herself while she methodically swiped the wand back and forth over Tiel's belly, since the doctor was called in to confirm that the heartbeat couldn't be found, since silent tears started streaming down Tiel's cheeks and hadn't yet stopped.
But I'd abandoned the practice of slamming people with my emotions.
"The timing is shit, I know," I said, "but Riley and Matt have it under control. Worst case scenario—and I meanworst—you call or text me."
Shannon set the sconce down and eyed me. "What's going on?" she asked. "Something's not right."
I nodded, rubbing the back of my neck to alleviate some of the tension there. I beckoned her into the mud room with me, away from the flow of work. Closing the door behind us, I said, "Tiel was pregnant. We lost the baby last night." I leaned against the wall, suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion. "We were going to tell everyone this weekend. At Andy and Patrick's place. Tiel had beer cozies made up for everyone. They said Aunt Lauren and Uncle Riley, and…she's barely spoken since it happened. She's devastated—we both are—and all I know is that she needs me to come home."
"Sam," she gasped, her fingers flying to her baby bump. Her eyes crinkled with concern and she reached out, pulling me into her arms. "Sam, I'm so sorry. You're right, you need to go. What the hell are you even doing here?"
I released a rueful laugh, and surrendered to her tight squeeze. "As someone mentioned, I ordered all hands on deck to get through the punch list," I said. "And she wanted to be alone. They did a…a procedure last night, and we didn't get home until the morning. I thought she'd get some rest. I know now that I shouldn't have left, but…I didn't know what to do. I don't know what to do, Shannon."
She leaned back, her head shaking and her eyes shiny with tears. "Go home," she said. "Don't come in tomorrow. I don't want to see you until Monday morning at the earliest." I nodded, and she continued, "What can I do for you? Are there any clients I can handle, or anything I can take off your plate? Do you want me to grab some carryout for you guys? Can I pick up some comfy jammies for her or girl stuff she doesn't want to ask you to get, or anything?"
I shook my head. "I have no idea," I confessed. "I don't know what we need, but I don't want her alone any longer."
"Of course," Shannon said, "and I'll take care of everything. Go."
The city dissolved into a slow-moving whirlwind of noise, color, and shape as I drove home, but I couldn't process any of it. When I arrived, I abandoned my phone and messenger bag in the kitchen, and carried water, a bagel, and pain medication upstairs.
From the doorway, Tiel was nothing more than a tiny knot of woman, her head tucked to her chest and her arms roped around her knees. Her shoulders shook with quiet sobs, and it was possible that I'd never seen her shattered quite like this before.
