He pressed his finger to his lips for silence and motioned for me to follow him down the hall, away from Sam’s room. At the far end, he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “You were with Captain America again.”
I stared at the stained concrete floors.
“It’s your business. I don’t care what you do,” he said, and the accusation on his face was the opposite of not caring. “But I don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to answer your phone when I call you eighty-nine times in an hour. I needed some fucking help and this was the weekendyoupicked to start ignoring me, too.”
“My phone broke,” I said. “I wasn’t ignoring you.”
But even if my phone was safe and sound, I wouldn’t have known. Will made a point of turning it off, and I chose to interpret that gesture as one of concern rather than control. He wanted me to relax; he wasn’t putting a wall between my family and me.
It was hard to convince myself it was all about relaxation right now.
“Yeah, well, that’s great,” Riley said. He ran his hand through his hair and stared at the ceiling for a moment. “Sam’s not okay, Shannon. I realize that you’ve been too busy with that dude to notice, but Sam’s whole fucking world imploded last week. He didn’t know it and he’ll deny it until he’s blue in the face, but he was trying to kill himself. He made me sit there and watch a fucking suicide attempt.”
A million should-haves hit me at once. Should have listened to Tom when he said something was up. Should have fought Sam harder on seeing the psychiatrist. Shouldn’t have brought up the psychiatrist at all. Should have worked at brokering the peace. Should have forced Patrick off the sidelines and into Sam’s well-being. Should have stayed home this weekend. Should have stayed home every weekend.
“Tell me what happened,” I said. “Start from the beginning.”
“The beginning? The beginning was months ago. You’ve known just as well as I have that he’s been hanging on by threads, and yeah, things were better when he was with Tiel. But now Tiel’s gone.”
Riley shook his head and looked away.
I should have been here, and I should have stopped this.
I’d talked myself out of worrying about Sam, and let myself believe that he was better off without my interference. That he needed to struggle through it on his own. But it was entirely preventable, and Will was wrong about Sam not needing me hovering over him. These boys were mypeople, the only ones I had in this world.
“He crossed the line into alcohol poisoning, went into hypoglycemic shock, and seized six times. That was all before they pumped his stomach. I got a front row seat to that show.” He rubbed his eyes and let his head fall against the wall. “Oh, and when he woke up from all that? He insisted you not know anything about it. Now I don’t know what shit went down between you two—”
“Nothing happened,” I shouted and Riley pinned me with an angry glare before I got the words out. “Nothing happened. I thought he needed some space to work through things after Angus died. I didn’t notice anything—”
“Is it possible you’ve been a little busy with your new pal? A little preoccupied?”
That was exactly it, and I hated myself for putting my libido above my family.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you and Sam,” I said. “We’ll figure this out. I’m not going anywhere, not anymore.”
Riley nodded and wrapped his arms around me. When he released me, he returned to Sam’s room and sat by the bed. He was the most unabashedly affectionate of my four brothers, and his actions always spoke louder than his words. But his words were important, too. He didn’t offer many of them, and when he did, they were either ridiculous or spot-on accurate.
It wasn’t my turn. And after this weekend, I wasn’t even convinced I deserved a turn.
Chapter Sixteen
SHANNON
Eight months ago
My phone buzzedon the table—the hundredth time this hour since all of Sam’s clients were now callingmewith their issues and questions—and I tapped the screen to life.
Will:Hey
Will:Back on base. Fucking clusterfuck. Sorry it took so long.
Will:I need to see you
Will:What are you doing tomorrow night?
Shannon:Fuck you
Will:Very good, fucking me.
