“Calm down, sir and madam,” she told them, bending to bring herself to their eye level. “One at a time. I can’t help you if I can’t understand you.”
“Wait,” Serendipity said. She and Joy casually moved around and placed themselves and their parasols so the Longmortens couldn’t see the children. “Carry on.”
“Lord Middlebie is foxed,” Sissy said in a worried whisper. “He’s shouting all sorts of things.”
“Jug-bitten badly,” Connor added. “And even louder than usual. He’s done told all the men that you didn’t give him a second glance ’cause you got your sights set on a duke and couldn’t care less that the man’s already promised to marry another woman—the woman he feelsheshould rightly have.”
“Oh, dear heavens, what a mess.” Serendipity stretched to look around the area. “I told Chance to watch that man. We all know how Middlebie gets when he overindulges. It is beyond me why our bacon-brained brother even invited him here for the summer after I expressly asked him not to.”
“Give over, Seri,” Grace said, searching the sprawling picnic for the drunken Scot. “You know as well as I that Chance wants us all married off and probably thought if an eligible male stayed under our roof, one of us might surrender.”
“Not bloody well likely,” Joy said. “We all know what Middlebie is like.”
“Joy! Language!” Serendipity gathered the children closer. “Where is Lord Middlebie putting on his show?”
Connor pointed. “On the far side of the pond. Over there, behind them trees. He even stripped off his shirt and started picking up big rocks and throwing them in the water to show everyone his strength.”
Serendipity looked ready to collapse in a dead faint, and Joy snickered so hard her face went red as a boiled beetroot. Both the children turned to Grace.
“What you want we should do?” Sissy asked her. “We don’t want him to spoil Lady Seri’s party.”
“No, indeed,” Grace said. “We wouldn’t want that.” She waved Connor forward. “I need you to find Chance and fetch him as quick as you can. Bring him to the pond. Joy, you and Sissy come with me. It will take all three of us to keep Lord Middlebie confused and distracted until Chance comes to lead his sotted friend away.”
“What should I do?” Serendipity asked, looking so lost and despondent that Grace’s heart hurt for her poor sister who always had the answers.
“Start the lawn games and keep the rest of the guests as far away from the area around the pond as you possibly can.”
“I shall hang Chance by his braces if this day is ruined.” Serendipity left in a flurry, muttering about everything she intended to do to her brother if Middlebie soured the picnic.
“How are we going to distract a drunkard determined to put on a show?” Joy asked. “And if he sees you, he’ll probably get even louder. Did you happen to consider that?”
“You are not helping, Joy. If you don’t have positive suggestions, keep your thoughts to yourself.” As they rounded the copse shielding the pond from the rest of the guests, Grace groaned. The half-dressed Middlebie stood knee deep in the edge of the pond, his pale skin glistening like a fish’s belly freshly pulled from the water.
“I could hide in the reeds and throw rocks at him,” Sissy suggested. “Reckon he might think it was midges come to get him.”
“It depends on how much and what he’s had to drink.” Grace wasn’t an expert on drunkards, but she remembered Mama remarking once that whisky tended to make men sillier a great deal faster than wine or ratafia. And with Middlebie being a Scot, his preferred spirit was whisky. She held to the little girl’s shoulders, reluctant to have her hide in the reeds. What if something went awry, like a stray creepy-crawly? “Is therenowhere else you could hide and throw things at him? I don’t like the idea of your wading into the reeds.”
“If I use my sling, I could hit him from those bushes on the other side of the water.”
“Your sling?” Grace tore her attention from the drunken Scot putting on an entirely too loud exhibition and stared down at the child. “Are you fairly accurate?”
Sissy grinned. “I’m better than Connor, even though he always lies and says I’m not.”
“Then, by all means, have at it. Good hunting—just try not to put out his eye or do him any serious harm.” As the little girl skipped away, Grace hoped she hadn’t erred in permitting Sissy to open fire on a living target. She caught hold of Joy’s arm and hurried along beside her. “Why aren’t any of those men stopping him?”
At least five gentlemen of questionable manners and uncertain social standing stood on the banks of the pond, cheering Middlebie on. If they’d had any decency about them, they would’ve taken him away so he wouldn’t be an insult to any of the women and children attending the party.
“I am not acquainted with any of those men.” Joy tugged her arm free, caught hold of Grace, and pulled her to a stop. “I am none too certain we should go over there. They all appear to be well fuddled themselves.”
“Sissy is getting ready to open fire by my command,” Grace told her. “We can’tnotgo over there.”
“True.” Joy looked back in the direction from which they’d just come. “Connor should come along with Chance at any moment too so, I’m certain we’ll be all right.”
“Others are meandering this way as well,” Grace said. “Either Middlebie’s noise or the rumors have carried across the meadow.”
“Both, more than likely.”
“In for a penny, in for a pound.” Grace snapped her parasol shut and brandished it like a sword as she charged forward. “Middlebie! Shame on you. Out of the pond, I say. Out and to the stables with you until you recover from your imbibing. My brother will have your hide for this! Such disgraceful behavior at my family’s annual picnic. Shame on you, my lord!”
