“What happens now?”
His question surprised her. This was a new tactic for him. Perhaps a coy response was in order. They had not battled this way before. “I assume we drive around until you tire of it, and then we return to the manor, where I shall have a bath, then retire to my private sitting room to take care of necessary correspondence until time for dinner.”
“That is not what I meant, and you know it.”
She risked a glance his way, then looked away just as quickly. Looking him in the eyes was a mistake she would not make again. “Forgive me, my lord. Might you elaborate on your inquiry so I can answer accordingly? I truly have no idea what you wish to know.”
“What happens now? Between us,” he repeated quietly.
“As for you, I do not know.” She stiffened her spine and lifted her chin. “I intend to take my mother’s place here at the academy and continue her work.”
“What about England? Rydleshire House? The queen prefers I stay close to the royal family.”
She assumed a nonchalant air. “That is your responsibility, not mine, even though England and the royal family shall always have my loyalty. I am dedicated to training agents to serve themwherever spies are needed. My place is here.” She shrugged. “As for Rydleshire House, it belongs to you to do with as you see fit. Either live there while you are in London or sell it.” She fortified herself with another deep breath as she lifted her chin higher. “I no longer have a life in London among the gossips.”
He unleashed another deep sigh, but it sounded more like a frustrated growl, pleasing her immeasurably before she reminded herself thatfeelingsmust not be allowed—not even feelings of victory.
“What about when we have children?” he asked, speaking a great deal louder than necessary.
“I am not with child, my lord,” she answered coldly, the admission saddening her more than it should. She should be pleased her body did not nurture a baby. A precious child would only complicate this already impossible situation.
“But someday you could be with child.” The heat of him so close, the scent of his sandalwood, citrus, and male musk, made all those old memories resurface, dangerous memories she could not under any circumstance dwell upon.
She hardened her heart and tossed her previous decision aside. She would look him in the eye. “I will not get with child by you, my lord. You availed yourself of other means of satisfaction, and I have accepted that, remember?” She swallowed hard again. “Quite clearly, I might add, it was brought to my attention that my services are no longer required. Our bedrooms shall remain as separate as they have been since the day of my mother’s death.”
“I love you, Sophie. How many times must I tell you that this was all a terrible misunderstanding? I have never been unfaithful to you, nor ever will be.” Guilt and anguish filled his voice. The same guilt and anguish he had thrown at her at every opportunity ever since that fateful day. “I hold myself fully accountable for your mother’s death, the sorrows of ourmarriage, for everything that has gone wrong.” He slowly shook his head, weariness and despair making him seem so much older. “But I am so sorry, my swan,” he whispered. “Please…I beg you…”
“Stop.” She held up a hand as if pressing it against the impenetrable wall between them. “Repeating the same words over and over will neither dilute nor abolish my humiliation, my suffering, or the pain of your betrayal. It has been one week since you cast me aside, and I assure you, the only way I feel differently today is that grief has joined the ache in my heart. Go back to England. To your queen. Your harlot. Your friends who admire you. My place is here, and here I shall stay. Alone.”
“I will never release you from this marriage,” he said, his tone low and ominous. “You are mine, Sophie. For all time.”
“I do not seek release from this marriage. I merely seek release from you.” She needed to cry so badly, needed to throw herself into his arms and sob away all her pain while he held her like he had when she was silly enough to swallow everything he said. But if she relented now, what would she do the next time he made her look like a complete fool? “Might you signal George to take us to the manor now, my lord? I do not wish the bath you ordered for me to grow cold.”
He caught her by the shoulders and turned her toward him, drawing close as though about to kiss her.
She turned her face away and said, “If you kiss me, my lord, know that you do so against my will and my wishes. You once said you would never force yourself upon me. Was that also a lie?”
They stayed in that position for what seemed like forever, as if they were frozen in time. Then he released her with a gentle shove and turned away, sagging forward to drop his head in his hands.
Hollow victory, she told herself while batting her eyes against the sting of tears begging to be shed. She turned back to stare out the window as the carriage rolled past the rear entrance of the academy, where several new admittances were overseeing the unloading of their trunks off the wagon from the docks. Two young women and three men who looked barely old enough to be out of boarding school stood on the steps, clustered beneath the overhang that protected them from the weather.
One of the women, the older one, caught her eye and made her bang her umbrella against the roof of the carriage to bring it to a halt. “Of all the audacity,” she growled before pointing at the door. “Get out. Your ladybird needs help with her trunks.”
Nash scowled at her, narrowing his eyes as though he feared her mad. “What are you talking about?”
With a hard jab of her finger, she pointed out the window at the disheveled blonde woman standing slightly apart from the others in the group. There was no mistaking Miss Adelaide Hampshire, even though she appeared to be dressed with a great deal more propriety than she had been on Bond Street. “Did you truly think I would not notice her among the trainees?”
“If anything, her presence here proves my innocence,” he said, his voice a low, pained growl. “She is here to train, to set herself on a more honorable path, and stop debasing herself to survive. I told you of the promise I made to her father. Your mother knew and agreed to accept her into the academy.” He caught hold of her shoulders again and brought her close once more. “You and your mother have helped so many like her, so many trapped in her very same circumstances. Why can you not accept she is here to change her life, and it has nothing to do with me? There never has been nor ever will be anything between us other than the fact that her father is my friend.”
“I said, get out.” She glared at him, refusing to be taken in again.
“Sophie—”
“All I have is your word against what I saw with my own eyes that day on Bond Street. The way she rubbed all over you like a cat in heat. The way the two of you laughed together as you disappeared into her brothel while Lady Bournebridge and her cronies watched my horror and humiliation with glee. Unfortunately, due to poor choices of her own, my mother is no longer here to corroborate your story about the esteemed Miss Hampshire’s wish to change her ways. You will forgive me if I believe what I witnessed rather than what you would like me to believe.”
His hands fell away from her shoulders. Ever so slowly, he closed his eyes and dropped his chin to his chest. “What will it take to make you believe the truth, my precious swan? I beg you—tell me, what it will take?”
“I do believe the truth, the real truth—not your version of it. Now, go to her. As I said, she appears to need your assistance settling into her room.” Raw, razor-sharp emotions made her stomach churn. If Nash didn’t get out of the carriage soon, she would surely retch all over him. Bile burned at the back of her throat, making her struggle to control the bitter sickness about to overpower her. She popped every one of her knuckles, then clutched her gloved hands in her lap while stiffening against his very convincing act of contrition.
