She drew her fists down into her lap and glared up at him, refusing to look away. Now was the time to sever the tie and save him from ruin because of her. “All else you need to know, my lord, is that I release you from your promise.” Blast her eyes. They burned with the tears that her heart screamed for her to shed. But she could not. “Now, please take your leave and do not be bothered with this household any longer. Mama and I have decided that all further legalities shall be handled by our solicitor in Germany.” She blinked harder and faster, refusing to release the tears. “After all, Mama will be laid to rest in Germany, and that is more my home than London could ever hope to be.”
“Is that what you truly wish,my lady?” He towered over her with nothing but the too-narrow mahogany desk between them.
She forced a cruel smile. “Your tone betrays you, my lord. Is that not what you wish?”
He reached out and cupped her chin in his hand. “No, Celia. You answer first. And I want the truth this time.”
“We are a mistake that would be better resolved by separating rather than made worse by matrimony.” Her eyes burned, and her throat ached with the need to sob. Her heart dropped like a stone into the pit of her stomach. “I release you, Elias, and I apologize for wasting your time.”
When his hand dropped away from her, she should have escaped out the door, but she didn’t. The struggle to hold the act together took everything she possessed. She sat there staring up at him, hoping that since she was powerless to move, he would leave in her place.
He didn’t. Elias rounded the desk, grabbed her up by the shoulders, and pulled her to him. “You apologize for wasting my time?” He yanked her closer and locked his arms around her. “You consider what we shared a waste?”
She had no words and tried to look away, but he wouldn’t allow it. He buried his fingers into her thick braid and held her head tilted back, forcing her to look up at him to witness the wildness and hurt in his eyes.
“I release you,” she repeated softly, helpless to say anything more.
“I do not release you,” he said in a low growl. “You not only gave me your word but sealed the promise with your body. I do not take such things lightly.”
“It is for your own good,” she said, thankful for a sudden burst of indignation restoring her ability to speak. He might own her heart, but she would not be his prisoner. “Save yourself, my lord. Trust me when I say this is for the best.”
“Tell me the truth!” he roared. “Tell me why!”
The library door burst open. Friedrich charged in and pulled Elias away.
Elias rounded on the man and punched him in the face. Blood streamed from Friedrich’s nose.
“Stop this at once!” Celia shoved between them, one hand on Elias’s chest, the other held out to keep Friedrich at bay. “Friedrich, it is all right. Lord Raines and I were merely having a very heated discussion.”
“Shall I see him out, my lady?” The hulking blond footman took a threatening step toward Elias. “To the door with him—yes?”
“I am sure Lord Raines can find his way out all by himself,” she said, shocked but thankful for the calm numbness that had settled across her. “Go tend to your nose, Friedrich, and thank you for responding when you thought me in distress.”
“Are you certain, my lady?” The footman’s thick German accent made her long for home and simpler times.
“Positive, thank you. See to yourself now. That nose looks quite bad.” She kept her hand on Elias’s chest until Friedrich left the room and closed the door behind him. Then she turned and faced Elias, determined to make him leave and never come back. “We cannot marry. It would mean the end of all you have worked so hard to attain. I will not be responsible for your ruin. Nor will I watch you come to hate me. Now, go.”
“I love you,” he said with his teeth bared like a cornered animal. “And I know you love me.”
She huffed a bitter laugh. “Love is a wicked demon sent to curse the weak into believing it will save everything and last forever. But then it fails. Burns out like a spent candle. Does nothing but create torment and pain.” She shook her head and pointed at the door. “Save yourself, Elias, and be thankful I freed you from this slow death.”
He caught her close and tried to kiss her, but she turned away. He dropped his arms from around her, stepped back, and glared at her with such pain that she had to hold her breath to keep from sobbing. After what felt like forever, he shook his head and backed toward the door. “This is not over, Celia. I do not go quietly, and I always return. Remember that, my love.”
Celia held herself locked in place. Chin up. No expression. Hands tightened into fists. She would not react and betray the utter desolation tearing her to pieces.
Elias stormed out of the library and slammed the door behind him.
Only then did she drop to the floor right where she stood. On her knees, she hugged herself and rocked back and forth with tears streaming down her face. She made no sound, just wept in silence and swore to herself—never again. Allowing oneself tofeelhad proven to be the greatest of errors. Such a fool she was. Such a lonely, misbegotten fool that would have been better off never being born.
Chapter Ten
“Iwant toknow everywhere they go before they even think about going there.” Elias fixed a stern glare on Jack Portney, willing the Bow Street Runner to understand the severity of the request.
Mr. Portney accepted the task with a curt dip of his chin. “It will be done, my lord. Several reliable contacts now exist within the household. I shall keep you informed on a regular basis—hourly, if necessary.”
“Good man.” Elias dismissed him with a nod and returned his attention to the paper Celia had signed with everything but her title and surname. He had suspected her identity from the beginning but wanted so badly to trust her, to believe she would never deceive him, that he had shoved his suspicions aside. Never again would he make the mistake of going against his instincts.
And now he would solve the rest of his precious lioness’s mystery. If she had released him with the excuse that she had tired of toying with a second son, a solicitor, hemighthave accepted her reason at face value. He jerked his head with a hard shake and threw himself back in the chair. No. He would not have accepted that reason either. Heartache had filled her eyes along with that same strange leeriness he had noticed the first time they met. She loved him as much as he loved her. Celia was his, and he would win her back after obliterating whatever foolishness she had spouted about refusing to ruin him. Ruin him how? He could not be ruined.
