She mentally ticked off all the wonders awaiting her in the future. Maybe if she kept her mind busy with all of thethingsthat would make life easier, she could find a way to ignore the sick weight ofwhat aboutssqueezing the life out of her soul. What about Granny? What about Coira?And the two biggest: What about Gray? And what about their love?
The emotions nearly choked her. Not again.She refused to give them any more power. Not after shedding three lifetimes of tears. She curled tighter into the cloak, pulled the hood low over her eyes, and charged ahead.
Watching her boot tips flash in and out from under her skirt, she suddenly collided with the solid mass attached to the worn pair of boots pointed at her. She bounced off the broad chest and would’ve landed on her bottom if not for the strong hands catching hold of her arms.
“Take care, my love. What causes ye to hurry so?” Gray tipped back her hood and smiled down into her eyes.
Every basic instinct urged her to melt into his embrace. She could just close her eyes and lose herselfin the safety of his arms. It could be all right again.She blinked hard, regained her footing, and pushed herself an arm’s length away. No.She couldn’t bear it if she failed him again. Gray deserved better.
She didn’t miss the shadow that immediately darkened his expression. Hurt and disappointment burned in his eyes, and his smile faded into a flat, determined line. She couldn’t help it. Once she was gone, he could set about the business of getting on with his life. He would forget her in no time.
“I will not allow ye to leave me,” he said in a tone that shook her to the core. He closed the distance between them and cupped her face in his hand. “Ye belong here. With me. For heaven’s sake, forgive yerself, woman. Ye canna control what Fate deems shall be.”
“Have you forgiven me?” she said as she retreated from his touch. No matter how much he denied it, she would never believe him. She had watched his excitement about the baby get stronger with every passing day. Now he expected her to believe that he wasn’t disappointed in her? That she hadn’t failed him? Sake’s alive, she had lost his firstborn son.
“There is nothing to forgive,” he said, his voice strained. “Why can ye not believe me when I say it was not yer fault?” He stomped forward, grabbed her by the shoulders, and shoved his face only inches from hers. “Our child died. Our son. I hate it as much as yerself but I have never—not for the barest instant—blamed ye for the loss of the babe. It happens, Trulie. Why can ye not understand that some things are just meant to be? Are ye not the one who swears ye canna make changes to the past to make a better future? Did ye not tell me all things happen for a reason?”
“What could possibly be the reason for stealing our baby?” she sobbed more to the gods than to Gray as she pounded her fists against his chest. A keening wail escaped her as she hit him again and again. “What did we do to deserve this pain? Why did it have to happen?”
Gray stood silent. His red-rimmed eyes shone wet with unshed tears as she unleashed her rage against his chest. She railed against him. Damn him for making her lose control. Damn him for cracking open the unceasing ache that plagued her every waking hour. She collapsed into his arms as all her sorrow and pain finally broke free.
“I am going back to the future.” She hiccupped a sob into the rough wool plaid covering his chest. The warm spice of him surrounded her, coaxed her into voicing all her secrets. “I cannot do this kind of pain ever again. I can’t survive this.”
He gathered her closer, tightened his arms around her. Nestling her head under the crook of his chin, he stroked her hair with a shaking hand and gently rocked as her heart-wrenching sobs broke free and echoed her despair across the winds.
CHAPTER27
“Irefuse to lose her to the future.” Gray walked a slow circle around the cushioned bench where a grim-faced Granny and a frowning Coira sat. “Tell me what it will take to make her stay—other than placing her in irons.” He did not add that he would also not hesitate to lock Trulie in her chambers. He would do whatever it took until she came to her senses.
Granny worried the strings of her apron as she stared off into space. “I don’t know how we can convince her the future really isn’t any safer from heartache than the past.”
“Ye best come up with a pretty good example or Mistress Trulie is gonna call ye a grand hypocrite.” Coira hopped up from the bench, backed up to the hearth, and smoothed her backside toward the heat.
“Coira,” Granny said. “Is that ladylike with a man in the room?”
“Me arse is cold and I am a servant. I dinna have to worry with acting the lady.”
Gray took in a deep breath and dug his fingers hard into his throbbing temples. For some reason, it greatly disturbed him that his wife’s independent attitude appeared to be rubbing off on the servants. Heaven help him if they all adopted her ways. “Why did ye say Granny would risk looking a hypocrite?”
“If Granny had not taken Mistress Trulie and her sisters to the future, the youngest girls would have died when they were naught but a few weeks old.” Coira turned and extended both hands toward the cheerful flames licking across the logs. “Mistress Trulie would surely have died too. She spoke of a weakness with her heart when she was just a wee one.”
Gray turned back to Granny. “Is this true? Did ye jump to the future to escape the danger of the past?”
“That was different.” Granny snorted out her disgust as she slowly rose from the bench. “I did what I had to do to keep my babies alive—I was not running away from what I feared. There is a big difference between what I did and what Trulie is about to do.” The old woman toddled across the room and lit the candles of the black candelabra on the table. “Trulie is running from her feelings. She thinks she can outrun her pain. Somehow, she has gotten the misguided notion that if she returns to the future, life won’t be so hard to bear.” With a tired intake of breath, Granny leaned both hands on the table. “We have to find a way to make her realize heartache finds you anytime it wishes. A particular century won’t protect you from its touch.”
A plotting look knotted Granny’s brow. A small grin sprouted at the corners of her pursed lips as she began pacing around the room.
Good. Gray breathed easier with the realization that Granny had shifted into the calculating frame of mind that usually ended up being a very large pain in the arse. Hopefully, this time would be more successful. He was willing to risk it. “What are ye planning?”
“What if...” Granny paused, her eyes narrowing. “Why couldn’t...” She started again as her face brightened with whatever was blossoming in her mind. She clapped her hands, a full-blown plan sparkling in her eyes. “I need to look into Trulie’s future—the one that would take place if she stayed here. There has got to be something we could show her that would convince her she needs to stay in this time. I have to find something so awesome Trulie would never want to miss it.”
Granny’s logic made Gray’s head hurt worse. What the hell did she mean by looking into a particular future? The very idea of what Granny might discover twisted his gut. He scrubbed a hand across his weary eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Lore, he felt to be a hundred years old. “Are ye certain it can be done? Without any danger?”
“Absolutely.” Granny snapped her fingers and smiled. “Futures are created by our choices. Every choice in life has its own particular future. The multiple possibilities from each choice are the strands that create the web of time. You know this, Gray. We showed you this with your parents.”
He chose to ignore her lecturing tone. “Ye are certain ye can find the future Trulie needs to see? The one that will make her stay?” He wasn’t sure if he liked the risk or not. What if Granny picked the wrong one and showed Trulie a possibility that she couldn’t stomach?
“Let me see what I can find.” Granny rubbed both hands together in anticipation. “I haven’t played with the strands of time in weeks, but I feel sure I can find the perfect choice to convince Trulie to stay.”
