Corey’s footsteps retreated to his bedroom. Leaning into the table, I said, “No one ever wants to remember a night like that, Mama. But sometimes it’s necessary to go back. There could be something he’s not seeing or doesn’t even realize is important.”
“Important how? It was a fire that caused that beam to fall on him. Leave it alone, Jocelyn.”
“What if it was more than just a fire? What if someone caused the fire?” I didn’t tell my mother about the photographs Don had showed me where it appeared as if someone had cut the beam. The last thing I wanted was for her to worry.
“Then we let the police and the investigators do their job. Is that why you came by tonight? To ask him about this?”
It was a Thursday night instead of Tuesday when I usually went over for weekly dinners.
“I’m only trying to help,” I lied.
“You can help by being supportive.”
“Avoiding is not being supportive.”
Our eyes locked. “Is there something you want to say, Jocelyn?”
“You always coddled them,” I said before thinking better of it.
Her eyes narrowed—not angrily but observing.
Maybe, this time, I’d finally put my damn foot in my mouth.
“You think I take it too easy on your brother. In the same way I took it easy on your father. Is that what you want to say?”
I didn’t respond because theyesthat wanted to burst from my lips seemed too disrespectful.
“You don’t have to answer. I carried you for nine months. You were the twin that kicked me the most while I was pregnant, keeping me up all hours of the night. I knew you’d be the outspoken one before you were even born. I don’t treat Corey with kid gloves the way you think I do. As for your father. Some things go on in a marriage that you’ll never understand until you experience it for yourself.”
“Hmm...not like that’s going to happen anytime soon.” Or ever. I wasn’t consciously opposed to marriage, but marriage required trust. So far, most men inspired minimal confidence from me.
An image of Don with a grin on his face came to mind, and something softened ever so slightly inside my chest.
I pushed through that thought.
“I’m concerned for him, Mama,” I said, lowering my voice. “I’m scared that if given too much time, he’ll never make it back to who he used to be.”
“He won’t ever return to who he was before, Jocey,” my mother argued back. “Do you get that? Your brother, like you, was an athlete his whole life. His life goal since the time he was a little boy was to be just like his Daddy. To become a firefighter. Now, he has to live with the very real possibility that, that life is over for him. He doesn’t need you coming around demanding answers he’s not ready to give.”
My eyes watered and I turned away from my mother. A lifetime of memories ran through my mind. Corey and I playing on the same t-ball team when we were five years old. My cheesing from ear to ear as he told me he’d made the basketball’s varsity team as a freshman. We’d trained together for months before I started at the police academy and him at the fire academy.
Beyond that what I missed most was his laugh. Corey’s laughter was always boisterous, his presence could light up a room.
“I’m sorry,” I said before clearing my throat.
My mother regarded me. “You should be.”
“I’ll let up on him,” I said.
“Good.” She moved closer and cupped my chin. “He needs your support, Jocelyn. Understand how difficult this is for him.”
“I will.”
She released my face.
“Do you need help cleaning up?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Girl.” She huffed. “I know you’re only asking to be polite. I should say yes, but you look tired.”
