I bent my head toward the floor, remembering how loving my mother had been toward my father when he got sick. How well she took care of him. At the time, I’d resented her for it. I’d imagined that he didn’t deserve her consideration and how selfish he’d been for receiving it when he’d done nothing but lie to her for so long.
“Don’t do that,” she said. “Don’t beat yourself up for your feelings in the past. Feelings you had when you only knew half of the story. That was my fault. I,weshould’ve been more forthcoming with you kids. Maybe you wouldn’t be so scared of love now.”
She stepped back and dropped her hands.
“He ignored me for most of my teenage years. He never showed up for my games or anything the way he did for Corey. Why?”
The question had lingered in my mind for years.
I’d believed it was because I was never enough for my father. Then after Stephen cheated on me, it led me to think I would never be enough for any man. I hated to admit it, but there was my truth.
“Baby,” my mother approached me and cupped my face, “your father...he was a good man, but he had some hang ups. Once you became an adolescent, he couldn’t deal with how you were changing. It’s not your fault. And, to an extent, it wasn’t his either. He was raised believing certain things about women.”
“What do you mean?” It didn’t make sense.
She sighed. “How do I make you understand? Your father, in his family, the girls were treated differently than the boys. Men had their roles, and women had theirs. We talked a lot about it during our therapy sessions. That was one of the things he regretted at the end of his life. Not getting to know the woman you were becoming.”
“Really? He never said anything to me.”
“I know,” she said. “He had a lot of regrets he shared with me during his last few years on this earth.”
I stepped out of my mother’s hold and wrapped my arms around my waist. Some of what she’d said made sense, but there was something I still couldn’t reconcile.
“I don’t understand. How is this supposed to make me trust Don won’t break my heart?”
She gave me a look. “It’s not, Jocey. But you can trust that you will be all right if that happens. You are strong enough to get through anything, even the ups and downs of love. That’s what I learned from the difficulties in my relationship with your father. I don’t regret any of it. Not the hard times, and certainly not the good times. He left me with the two most precious gifts I have. And he left me with the experience of what true love is.”
She stepped forward again, taking my hands into hers.
“Don’t be afraid to love with your entire heart, baby girl. Love is the surest bet you can make. Besides, I have a feeling Don isn’t letting you get away anytime soon.”
“How do you know that?”
“I saw the look in his eyes when you two had dinner over here that night.” Her smile turned wistful. “He called me at least once a week for months after Corey left the hospital, checking in on him and on me. I always liked him when he came around with Corey. My guess is, he’s perfect for you.” She patted my cheek, released my hand, and turning to the stove. “Don’t just stand there. Get out the plates. I’m hungry.”
I wiped away a stray tear before following my Mama’s direction.
Dinner went by in a blur. As soon as I closed my mother’s door behind me, I was on the phone calling the one man I needed to speak with.
Chapter 33
Jocelyn
I madeit to my front door, pausing, before entering with a slump in my shoulder. I’d tried to call Don from my car on the ride home, but it went to his voicemail, and I grew frightened at the idea that he might be ignoring my calls.
The tightness in my chest was almost painful. I ran my palm against it, trying to relieve the hurt that resided there. With a sigh, I stuck my key into the lock and turned the knob to enter.
Maybe I’ll drop in at his place.
The thought felt right. I needed to see him before the night ended. I needed to speak the words to him. I was ashamed he wasn’t the first person I’d said them out loud to already.
I hoped and prayed he wasn’t done with me after I’d all but denied our relationship when Corey stood at my door.
“Heaven’s above!” I clutched my chest as I walked into my dining room to drop my keys, only to find Don sitting on my couch.
Those brooding hazel eyes turned on me, and it was like I could take my first full breath all day. Even with the simmering anger in the depths of those pools, his mere presence was magnetic. So much so, I didn’t know who moved closer first.
Either way, within seconds, I found us standing chest to chest in the middle of my dining room.
