I had to pause and turn to face the headstone. The lump in my own throat threatened to steal my voice. Somehow, I found the words.
Nodding, I responded with, “Yeah. He loved you. I don’t know what went on between your mother and him but the few times he mentioned his family he’d get this far off look in his eyes. Like, out of all the shit he’d done in his life, that was his one regret. Not getting to see you grow up.”
I turned to face Syd and my damn heart squeezed in my chest. Her pain felt like my own.
“Thank you,” she said just above a whisper. “For bringing me here and sharing part of him with me.” Her words were barely audible before she completely broke down into tears in my arms.
I held onto her for dear life. The two of us sitting in front of Banks’s headstone, Syd’s face tucked into my chest as she let out years of anger and pain. I rocked her back and forth as she sobbed. I held on, not allowing her to feel alone in her pain and grief. This woman was mine.
We sat there for a long while before Syd’s tears stopped flowing.
“How did he die? Was he alone?” She finally asked.
I shook my head.
“Nine months before he died I went with him to a doctor’s visit after he’d had a cough for months that wouldn’t go away. He was sure it was a cold he couldn’t shake. Turned out it was lung cancer. His two pack a day habit of over thirty years finally caught up with him. He was adamant that I not change anything in my schedule or training. He never wanted me to lose focus.”
“He must’ve cared deeply about you.”
I nodded. “He did. He was more than just my trainer. I was twenty-two when I walked into his gym. By most standards I got into MMA late as hell. But he saw potential or whatever because he stayed on my ass. Made sure I trained hard. He did his best to keep me out of trouble.” I snorted because that was laughable. Trouble often found me but that wasn’t Banks’s fault.
“Once he was diagnosed, I knew he was scared shitless.”
Syd looked up at me.
“I know fear, Syd. I was raised in it. Learned to fight in it and fight as a result of it. I can smell fear a fucking mile away. Even when it comes with a smile. Banks wasn’t afraid of much, but he was scared of dying. He chose to ignore it. Pretend like it wasn’t inevitable. And I let him.”
Syd wrapped her arm around my waist, leaning her head against my chest again.
“He didn’t die alone. He spent the last months of his life still coming into the gym to train me. When he got too weak for that, I moved him into my home, hired a nurse for him ‘round the clock.” I stopped talking. The memory of Banks’s final days overwhelming me.
“I held his hand when he took his last breath.”
Syd reached her free hand up, cupping my face. Leaning up, she grazed my lips with her own. Licking mine, I tasted the salt from both our tears. I hadn’t even realized I’d been crying.
“Fuck. You’re making me soft. I didn’t even cry at his funeral.” I wiped my tears away.
Syd let out a tiny smile. “You are soft, Skullcrusher.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her it was only for her, but I refrained. The look that passed between us, however, spoke for itself.
“He lasted longer than the docs expected, though. I made sure he was comfortable in his last months. He was a tough son of a bitch. One of the last things I wanted to do before he died was win another title. For him, not for me. But I failed.”
“You didn’t fail,” she said, peering down at the belt on the ground in front of us. “It just took a little longer than you expected.”
I glanced at the mole at the side of her mouth, before moving to those juicy lips, and I smiled, leaned down for a kiss.
Pulling back, I reached into my left pocket to remove the black ring box I made sure to bring with me.
“Tradition says I’m supposed to go to the father and shit before I ask this question, but Banks is gone and your stepfather’s out of town again,” I said, looking at Syd as I flipped open the ring box.
She gasped and widened her eyes, looking between me and the box. “Luke,” she whispered.
“You were right. I kept everyone at arm’s length. I thought life was easier that way. And then you barged your thick ass into my life and refused to leave.”
I grunted when she punched my shoulder.
“Is this supposed to be your proposal speech?”
