“Look at me,” she says, pulling my chin to look her in the eye. “This is about Neil, isn’t it?”
I nod, the lump in my throat preventing me from speaking.
“What happened?”
Through tears and a stutter, I manage to tell my mother what I found in Neil’s condo.
“You found it underneath the entertainment center?”
“Yes, h-hidden away in the back. Like he knew to hide it just in case I went through his belongings.”
My mother pinches her lips, thinking. I know she’s going to say something like, ‘I told you so’, or, ‘what did you expect?’
However, I’m in for a rude awakening when she parts her lips and says, “Desi, maybe you don’t know the full story.”
I whip my head backward and sit up completely, mouth agape, staring at my mother.
“Did you not hear what I said to you? Neil, a supposed ex-alcoholic, had a bottle of vodka hidden in his home. What more to the story do I need to hear? And why are you of all people saying this to me?”
She stands from the bed and begins pacing back and forth with her arms folded. Not for the first time, I recognize how pretty my mother is. She and I are the same height, and she’s worked hard to keep her figure slim over the years, making fitness classes a regular part of her weekly routine. The holidays are the only days of the year in which she splurges from her usual healthy diet of steamed vegetables and baked fish or chicken.
My mother is in her mid-fifties, but you’d rarely know it. Except when she expresses worry or fear, does her age manage to show through—moments like this very one.
“Mom, what is it?”
She sighs. “I think I was all wrong about this,” she answers, looking at me with sorrowful eyes. “I was so afraid you’d end up like your sister.”
“What does Deidre have to do with this?”
“Everything, Desi. She has everything to do with how I reacted to your relationship with Neil.” She moves closer, taking my hands in hers, as I sit on the edge of the bed. “Desi, you were right when you said that I avoided talking about Deirdre to avoid the pain of losing her. And you were right about how much I criticized both of you girls coming up. Maybe that’s why she ended up the way she did.”
I shake my head, standing and pulling my mom into a hug. “No, Mom. I was so wrong about that. I can’t believe I said such a horrible thing to you. It’s not true.”
“Shhh,” she shushes me. “There’s some truth in everything said in anger. I know that better than anyone. One of the final things I ever told your sister was that I never wanted to see her again. At that moment, I meant it, but that was my pain talking.”
My mother stops talking when the doorbell rings. Figuring it’s just one of my extended family members, I fully expect my mother to ignore it, but she doesn’t.
She quickly wipes her eyes and takes me by the hand. “Come on, baby. Our guests are arriving. We’ll finish this conversation later.”
I want to protest, but she’s adamant, pulling me by the arm. I barely have time to grab my bag, which I tossed onto the bed.
Following my mother, I plan to greet whoever’s at the door before disappearing into the kitchen. I’m not in the mood to make small talk with any of my family members tonight.
But to my surprise, when my mother pulls the door open, I don’t find one of my aunts or cousins standing there. My gaze immediately locks with Neil’s golden brown orbs.
“Neil,” my mother greets.
“What are you doing here?” I say at the same time.
His gaze drops to my mother before looking back up at me. “Your mother invited me.”
I inhale sharply as I look over at my mother, who’s staring at me from the doorway.
“I think you two need to talk,” she says before taking a step back. She turns to Neil. “Thank you for coming.” She’s wearing a genuine smile on her face as if she’s happy to see him, even after what I told her.
I watch as she walks away, disappearing into the kitchen as I planned to do only minutes before.
“Can we talk out here?”
