I open and close my mouth a few times, searching for an answer. “It doesn’t have anything to do with how I feel about you, but …”
“But?”
I can’t think of a response.
“Hot chocolate?” A passing waitress pauses, smiling between the two of us, holding a tray of steaming hot chocolate with candy canes sticking out over the brims of the cups.
“Thank you,” Neil says, lowering his arms from my body and taking two cups, passing one to me. “Dark chocolate for you. Since it’s your favorite.”
I give him a grateful smile over the edge of my cup before taking a sip of the creamy, velvety liquid inside. The chocolate flavor is coated with a peppermint taste, thanks to the candy cane. As I sip, I still feel Neil’s gaze burning into the side of my face.
My thoughts swirl with all the what-ifs. My reluctance arises when I think about my mother’s face as we stood in her kitchen on Thanksgiving. Her eyes were full of disappointment. It was eerily similar to the way she used to look at Dierdre. I hated that look, yet, when I glance over at Neil, I despise seeing the appearance of concern in his eyes.
I take another sip of the hot chocolate, hoping that it will somehow soothe the feeling of my heart tearing in two.
“Excuse me,” a familiar voice comes from the front of the room.
Glancing up, I see Neil’s father standing in at the front of the stage, holding a microphone.
“Thank you all for coming,” he starts. “As most of you are well aware, McKenna’s annual holiday party is a huge undertaking as it brings in a lot of donations that will be well spent in the coming year. I’m told that as a result of your generous donations, McKenna will be able to expand our facilities’ outreach here in Washington and a few southern states. Give it up for yourselves.”
He pauses to clap into the microphone while those of us in the audience applaud as well.
“With that great news, I think it fits for me to introduce the man who continues to be the driving force behind McKenna Rehab. Neil, would you please?” He nods toward his son.
I turn to Neil, smiling with pride. Despite my mixed emotions about how quickly our relationship is moving, I know that Neil deserves this moment more than anything.
He gives me a final look prior to turning to another passing waiter to hand his cup of hot chocolate before heading up to the stage area.
I watch, keenly observing how the dark tuxedo lays comfortably and effortlessly against his straight back. He has a natural pull to him, which prevents most of the other people and me in the room from looking away.
My heart turns over when he reaches the mic and gives the room a bright smile.
“Good evening, everyone. First of all, I’d like to give you all my appreciation for making it out tonight, and more importantly, for opening your hearts and wallets to our cause.”
He pauses, looking toward his father, who remains standing at the side of the stage.
“As my father stated, McKenna is going to be allowed to put your money to good use in the coming twelve months. One day at a time and one client at a time, McKenna vows to work to end the horrors of addiction.”
He pauses as the crowd claps and cheers on his motivating speech.
Neil goes on, espousing the values of McKenna, the sense of community it works to provide all of its clients, and his outlook for the coming year. If I weren’t already, seeing him up there under the lights, looking regal and yet still down-to-earth with his casual man bun, I’d fall head over heels for him.
“Please, everyone, enjoy yourselves,” he finally says after giving away a few presents to some notable shareholders and donators.
I sense others clapping and cheering as Neil descends the stairs of the stage, but all I truly see is him. The same must be true for him, also, because as soon as his foot reaches the bottom stair, he locks eyes with me. His gaze doesn’t move until he’s standing directly in front of me.
Neil leans into my ear and tells me, “It’s time to go.”
Tilting my head, I start to ask what he means, but he doesn’t give me time. He meant exactly what he said—he takes me by the elbow and begins walking us in the direction of the door. Even as a few people attempt to approach Neil, asking him for one moment of his time, he politely but firmly shoos them away.
“Neil, what are you doing? The party isn’t over,” I insist as we step out into the lobby.
“Our party hasn’t even begun yet, baby. I need to get you alone to convince you of all the reasons why moving in with me is the best for both of us.”
I grin as one of the venue’s staff members brings us our coats. Neil helps me to put mine on before donning his.
“Are you sure leaving like this is okay? What about all the guests in there?”
