“You haven’t steered me wrong yet. Lamb gyro it is.”
He turns to me, nodding. “Does your mom like lamb?”
I blink, surprised at the question. “She doesn’t eat red meat.”
“She might like the Greek salad with chicken or shrimp.”
“She likes to eat light. I’ll get her the shrimp on top of the salad.”
“How’d she like the fish tacos from the other night?”
“She didn’t eat much of them but said she liked it.”
Mark looks over at me, a wrinkle on his forehead. “What is it?”
I tried to hide the worry over my mom in my voice, but I guess he picked up on it. “She hasn’t been eating a lot lately. I feel like she’s lost ten pounds since I moved back.”
“Is she ill?”
“Yeah, with grief.”
His forehead wrinkle deepens.
“My f—” I pause, asking myself what I’m doing talking to Mark about all of this. “It’s fine. I’m sure she’ll love the salad. I can’t wait to try that gyro.” I pat my stomach, averting my gaze.
I do my best to take in the holiday lights that decorate the lamp poles as we drive past. Yet, the air inside of the Mustang takes on a stiff silence. My stomach rumbles with the icky feeling of holding back from the person you’re dying to share everything with. I’m familiar with it. It seems to be the tradition of Mark and my relationship. Him searching and prodding to know me deeper. And me, withholding secrets while giving him the rest of me.
She’s still holdingonto secrets. Throughout dinner, I do my best to ignore it, to avoid the heaviness behind those captivating eyes. But, like my father used to call me, I’m a glutton for punishment.
“How was your gyro?” I question, needing to pull my mind from my roaming thoughts.
“Delicious. Just like you said.”
“Maybe one day you’ll learn to trust me.”
My comment surprises both of us. Jackie’s eyes widen. It’s on the tip of my tongue to addwith your food choices,but that’s a lie, so I don’t bother with it. Jackie is withholding the same as back in high school.
“Thanks for bringing me,” she says after a minute of silence.
I nod and wave for the check from the waiter.
“The light show is down this way,” I tekk her minutes later as I hold the door open for her.
“So, it’s a light show and not a tree lighting?”
“Right. The tree lighting happens this weekend.”
“I remember those. Downtown, right?”
I nod as we walk down the city block, people moving around and next to us. The only regret about this moment is that I can’t take her hand into mine.
“Those tree lightings used to be epic.”
“Yeah, only because you and your crew would spend your time flirting with the college girls who showed up to them.”
I chuckle. “True.” I banged a few of them, too, but that didn’t need to be said out loud. “There was that one lighting where I didn’t worry about my crew or the college chicks.”
She pauses, turning to me. The look in her eyes and the wistful smile on her face tells me she remembers that night.
