I won’t be there,was the only coherent thought that came to mind. I couldn’t face her. Out of everyone, she was the one person who I couldn’t or just didn’t want to look in the eye at this moment. That dirty feeling I’d had ever since Suzanne fucking touched me wouldn’t let up throughout the day, even as I left the hospital and found myself drinking well into the early evening. I lost count of how many drinks I had.
And when the alcohol and the three showers I’d taken, scrubbing my body over and over until my skin was raw, didn’t work, I found myself at the only place that I hoped could alleviate this feeling.
“Looking rough tonight, Doc,” the guard noted as I passed through the doors of the Underground.
“Argh,” I grunted and kept walking. I wasn’t in the mood for talking. I was only here to hit or be hit. I didn’t mind either one at this point.
“Buddy,” I called, having to pause to get steady on my feet. It’d been a very long time since I drank as much alcohol as I’d consumed that day.
He turned to me and immediately frowned as he approached. Though it was dark in there, he glared at me as if he could see me clearly. “You’re drunk.”
I scowled. “I’m sober.” Not the truth but not a total lie either. “I don’t need an addictions’ counselor either,” I growled. “I just need a fight.”
I peered over his shoulder to scout the rest of the room. There were two guys in the ring with some guy I didn’t know taking Buddy’s usual place as referee. I could feel Buddy’s gaze still studying me but I didn’t say anything. Wasn’t about to give a further explanation beyond what it was I needed.
“You’ll be up next. There’s a new guy in town. Maybe you can show him around the block.”
I quickly nodded at Buddy, acknowledging his words, and then move passed him to the door leading to the changing room. I changed out of the sweatpants and T-shirt and put on the shorts I typically fought in, and proceeded to wrap my hands, only to spot a pair of large hands reaching for mine.
“Don’t touch me!” I snatched my hands free and looked up to see a scowling Connor peering down at me.
“You need your fucking hands wrapped,” he insisted.
Reluctantly, I let him continue wrapping my hands tightly in my own wraps.
His face was contorted as if he wrestling with what to say.
“Just don’t fucking kill anyone tonight.”
How he knew I was in the mood to kill, I had no idea, but I didn’t say anything. I heard the door open and glanced over Connor’s shoulder to see Buddy standing at the door.
“You ready?”
I nodded and flexed my hands, feeling out the wrap job Connor had done. I didn’t say anything to him but I could feel his glare on my back as I passed through the door. As soon as I entered the ring, the palpable energy that’d been coursing through me since I left the hospital earlier, increased. It was as if the room shrank in size, down to nothing besides that sixteen by sixteen foot square.
The cheers and applause of the guys standing around watching, anticipating, melted away. I looked past Buddy to the corner of the room and found a guy who I didn’t know peering back at me.
“Doc, this is Chuck. Chuck, Doc,” Buddy introduced, getting in the middle of us.
Chuck. The hell kind of name is that?
I grunted by way of introduction andChuckdid the same.
“All right, you both know the rules.” Buddy lifted his arm and lowered it, a little bell went off, and Buddy jumped out of the way, as Chuck and I began circling one another.
“You sure your delicate surgeon hands can handle this?” he snarled.
I rolled my eyes.This guy’s a fucking talker. I hated talkers. All the new guys started out as talkers, until they got popped in the face. Yeah, hitting in the face wasn’tsupposedto be allowed, but every now and then the situation required it.
“Ow, shit!” Chuck cursed right after I chin checked him with a left jab. “No hitting in the fucking face.”
“Go cry about it, you little bitch!” I lunged at him but missed as he jumped back, avoiding the right hook aimed at his ribs.
“Haha! The only bitch around is the one who gave birth to you!”
As soon as his words registered it was as if my entire body went numb. I didn’t hear, feel, or see anything but red and his face. My memory flashed to earlier that day of Suzanne grabbing me in my office, and then just to fuck me over some more, it happened. My brain flashed back to another pair of hands reaching under the sheets of my bed when I was just thirteen years old.
“This is just our little secret …”the owner of those hands repeated.
