My stomach turned at his words and I began pacing.
“And her doing so triggered a memory you’d long since tried to forget, didn’t it?”
“Hands,” I replied.
“Hands, what?”
“Grabbing me, underneath the blanket. That’s what I remembered.”
“Grabbing you the same place Suzanne grabbed you?”
“Yes.”
“Whose hands, Jacob?”
I swallowed the bile down, but the nausea persisted as I said, “My mother’s.”
I crumbled to the couch, my knees going weak as the memories came back full force. Squeezing my eyes shut, I kept talking, telling Dr. Kearns the nights she would enter my room, complaining about my father being absent yet again, before crawling into bed with me.
“Open your eyes, Jacob.”
I shook my head.
“Remember what Leslie taught you about mindfulness. Open your eyes and count to ten.”
My eyelids parted and I first noticed the brown carpeting on the floor. I raised my gaze to my hands, one in a cast and one tightly clenched in a fist. I uncurled my hand and released a breath. Remembering where I was. I wasn’t a child back in Washington, in the dark and feeling disgusted with the hand that was touching me.
“Jacob.” Dr. Kearns’ voice.
I lifted my gaze to meet his, realizing that I just shared something that I’d never told another soul in my life.
“Can you tell me what you’re feeling right now?”
“I don’t know.”
“What sensations are you experiencing right now?”
“Tingling in my hands and I feel ill. My stomach feels sick. Like I just got off of one of those fucking spin wheel things at the park.”
“What else?”
Dr. Kearns kept prodding, and for some reason I didn’t clam up. As awful as everything felt to relive, there was something about finally telling it to an unbiased observer. I knew that whatever I said would never leave this room, if I didn’t want it to, and even while a part of my mind yelled at me to stop talking, to keep hiding, I kept going because I needed to. I needed this release more than my next breath.
****
Grace
I felt accomplished as I left the executive suites of the hospital. Nothing had been decided but at least I felt like I was able to give Jacob a fair defense in his absence. And by the looks Suzanne was throwing my way as I passed her in the hallway, she knew her gig was up. At least, I hoped it was. That bitch had stepped over the line too many times and I just knew she’d done the same with Jacob. All he had to do was go in there and tell his side of the story, and with the background information I presented on Suzanne, he was sure to be able to keep his job.
“What did you do?” Suzanne demanded as I tried to step onto the elevator.
I whirled around and got in Suzanne’s face as she held her arm over the elevator’s doorway.
“You knowexactlywhat I did. I told them the damn truth. Therealreason you changed jobs from Bloomfield. You weren’t looking for a fresh start in Williamsport, you were forced out of your old job after numerous complaints about your inappropriate behavior toward more than one doctor at the hospital. I also showed them your numerous police reports.”
Her eyes narrowed to slits. “You bitch.”
“That’s right. I’mthatbitch when you mess with my man. Jacob didn’t want you and your precious little ego couldn’t take the hit to your pride, yet again. So you decided to what?” I goaded. “Made it look like he hurt you? You set him up? You—”
