“No.” He adamantly shakes his head.
I push out a relieved breath until he says …
“But my family is.”
My eyes bulge and mouth falls open.
He stands, apparently seeing me freak out, and grabs my face. “Listen. This isn’t something to get worked up over. I’m still the same guy you’ve always known. My family, not even the family I grew up with, but was born into, apparently, is in a line of work some would classify as the mafia, or whatever the fuck. But that’s not—"
“Not what? Not a big deal? I beg to differ.” Needing some space to gather my thoughts, I pull out of his embrace and move away from him.
“It’s not a big deal. I’m not in the family business. I just—”
“Can call on them whenever you need them, however, right?”
“Would you rather I be sitting in a jail cell right now?”
“Of course not. But this isn’t—” I shake my head. “What if they, like, call in a favor? Say they come back and say remember that little assault and battery charge we dropped for you, now we want you to off somebody for us.”
“Off somebody? Babe, you’ve been watching too many films from the 70s.”
“This isn’t funny, Emanuel.”
His chuckling ceases, and he pushes out a heavy breath. “I see that. Look, this doesn’t have to be an issue between us. I’m not who my cousins are. I’m not in the family business.”
“Now. Not right now you’re not. But what about tomorrow, or next year, or five years from now? What if you get tired of firefighting and decide the family business is a good option to try? You’ve got military skills. I’m sure they’d love to hire an already trained assassin.”
“I’m not a trained ass—”
“You’ve been to war! Went on missions with the Army that I couldn’t even dream of. I know you’ve done things I don’t even want to think about.” My breathing begins to increase. His Army background never had occurred to me before, but now thinking of it in combination with knowing the new information about his family, a heavy dread begins to settle on my chest.
“So don’t.” Moving closer to me, he cups my face again.
“I didn’t. I let those thoughts go because I believed I knew who you are now. My guy that protects people and serves his community by working as a firefighter. The one who loves a good time but is still settled enough to be a one woman man, fall in love, and possibly get married and have a family one day.”
“I am. That’s exactly who I am.”
I shake my head. “No. Maybe … that’s who you want to be or maybe it is who you are. But what about when you get bored? When you want some adventure in your life? Will you pick up and leave the department for a life with your real family? Where does that leave me?”
“With me. That’s where you belong.”
I shake my head. “No. I need more stability than that. I spent too much of my life being dragged around from one place to another by a parent who couldn’t make up her damn mind about where she wanted to live because she was busy chasing the next man or party. And I spent the next ten years of my adult life chasing after a guy who strung me along because he refused to just admit that I wasn’t good enough for his family. I’m not going through all of that upheaval again. I need stability. You can’t provide that!”
Taking a step back, I blink because I refuse to let the tears welling up in my eyes fall.
“Janine, don’t do this. What are you saying?”
“I’m saying—”
“You’re not saying we’re done. I won’t let you.”
My mouth clamps shut and I shake my head. I couldn’t get the words out even if I tried. “I need some time.”
I spin on my heels, grab my large over-the-shoulder bag I’d taken to work with me that morning, and reach Emanuel’s door in three steps, pulling it open and quickly slamming it shut behind me.
I root around in my bag for my keys, but just as I find them my door is pulled open by my mother.
“Oh, hey,” she says with a bewildered expression.
