Slowly, Joshua released my wrist, and sat back in his chair, almost daring me to take another bite from his plate. Feeling daring myself, I did.
With my eyes trained on him, I parted my lips and planted the eggplant into my mouth, and closed my eyes as the flavor of the coconut milk and curry seasonings hit my tongue. A sound from across the table had me opening my eyes again. When I did, Joshua’s eyes were watching me so intently it was as if they were burrowing in to my very soul.
He tilted his head to the side. “Why’d you choose that outfit to wear tonight?” he finally asked.
I lifted my eyebrows. I totally wasn't expecting that question. I saw the hungry look in his eyes when I first emerged from the guest bedroom.
“What? You don’t like it?” I held my arms out to my sides.
He leaned in, placing an arm on the table. “You damn well know the answer to that question,” he growled.
A chill ran through me. I relished it when he used that tone, especially when he was looking at me the way he was.
“I love it on you and I’m pretty sure you do, too. So why haven’t I seen it before now?”
I wrinkled my brows and shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe you just weren’t paying attention.” I lowered my eyes to the table.
“Bullshit.”
I pushed out a breath knowing he wouldn’t fall for that lame excuse.
“You’ve been living with me for two months. This outfit is new.”
He was right. I’d purchased it on a shopping trip I’d gone on with Patience and Michelle a few days earlier. I was tired of the clothes in my closet.
“Because I want to start feeling like the old me. The Kayla who didn’t put so much thought into what others thought of me, or how something as simple as wearing a skirt could get me into trouble.” I couldn’t look up at Josh but I continued. “I wasn’t as carefree as everyone thought when I was younger. I cared about a lot. I cared the time I saw my mother cry and leave out of the doctor’s office because she couldn’t bear the sight of me sticking myself with a needle to test my insulin, for the first time. I was only nine. I cared when I heard both of my parents up late at night in heated discussions because of the medical costs for my treatments and hospital stays. I cared every time I went to bed and wasn’t sure I was going to wake up because I couldn’t get my insulin levels to moderate. And I damn sure cared when my best friend came to me and told me she was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer.”
“Kayla, I know—”
I held my hand up, letting my eyes meet his. “I cared, Josh, but I wasn’t going to let any of it stop me from living my damn life. Even at nine years old when I was first diagnosed with diabetes, I remember the first emotion I felt was anger. I didn’t want my life to change but I knew it would and that made me angry. So I made a decision that I wouldn’t let my illness or life’s problems stop me from being exactly who I wanted to.” I sat back in my chair. “And somewhere I lost that, and tonight, I wanted it back.” The last part came out just above a whisper.
That was the whole truth. Hearing Sandra speak of having to see her rapist at work, and now helping her look for a new job, made something well up in me. People shouldn’t have to change who they were because of the selfish, harmful actions of others.
“Not somewhere.” His voice was rigid with anger.
I looked up, almost afraid to ask but I had to. “What?”
Joshua’s dark head shook. “You said somewhere you lost that. Not somewhere but someone or something caused you to lose yourself.” His mouth snapped shut.
“No.” Shaking my head, I reached across the table, covering his strong hand with mine. I grew warmer when he moved his hand to cover mine, squeezing it. “Icaused me to lose it. I gave my power away by believing bullshit and caring what others thought. I’m done with that.”
His eyes narrowed on me, assessing.
“Let’s go dancing,” I suggested. Not only did I want to move my body, and put this outfit to use, but I also wanted to change the subject. The past was the past and it deserved to remain there.
“Kay—”
“I’m serious. I want to dance. Please,” I begged, jumping up and down a little in my seat.
Josh’s jaw softened and a small smirk broke free on his lips. I knew I’d won.
“As long as you save some of that energy for later on. You still owe me for my stolen shrimp.” He nodded at the plate in front of him.
I grinned. “We’ll see how the night ends, Mr. Townsend.”
I watched as Josh placed a few bills on the table, covering the cost of dinner and a generous tip. He took my hand into his and led us out of the restaurant. We were in a section of downtown Williamsport where there were plenty of restaurants and bars, many of which had dance floors. I gladly followed Josh as we entered into one of the bars. The fast pumping, pop music mix instantly had my shoulders swaying from side to side.
“Dance with me!” I shouted in Joshua’s ear so he could hear me over the bass.
