The timing was never right. Months before we were scheduled to graduate, Chelsea—Joshua’s girlfriend and my best friend—was diagnosed with an aggressive form of ovarian cancer. She spent most of her senior year at Williamsport U in and out of the hospital undergoing extreme chemo and radiation treatments.
The worst part was, no one saw it coming. I was the sick one. She and Joshua were always the ones comforting me in hospitals.
The three of us had been close since middle school, all of us having attended Excelor Academy where my mother was a teacher. I remember being nervous the first day, wondering if I’d fit in with the rich kids that went to the school. Though we were firmly middle class, my parents could’ve never afforded to send me to Excelor if my mother hadn’t taught there.
On my first day at Excelor a bright-eyed, blonde-haired girl named Chelsea Armstrong introduced herself, welcoming me to the class. We became thick as thieves almost over night. I met Joshua that same day when our teacher assigned the three of us to a group assignment. I couldn’t stop myself from staring at him. Though his smile was easy and disarming there was something about his eyes that easily pulled me in. The way even some of the upperclassmen moved out of his way while walking down the hallways, not because of his last name, but because of the assuredness with which he moved through life, was intriguing. I’d never met a twelve-year-old boy with such confidence.
That same tween boy, grew up to be an incredible man. I wasn’t the only one who’d noticed either. During our junior year, Chels revealed to me that she’d grown a crush on our long-time friend.
I’m going to tell him,she’d said that night in our dorm room.
I swallowed down the “No” that wanted to escape and plastered the most sincere smile on my face I could manage and told her, “Go for it, you only live once.”
And she did.
The two became a couple soon after, Joshua deciding to let go of his philandering ways to commit to Chelsea.
They were the perfect couple. Both from well-to-do families. Each of them were probably what the other’s parents had in mind for them when they grew up and married. I couldn’t stand in the way of that. So, I encouraged their relationship.
“No use for this now.” His voice pulled me back from my ruminations. Joshua took one last look at the ring before standing and flinging it in the water.
I was shocked but didn’t say anything. Just silently watched him as he sauntered back to the boulder, sitting next to me. My heartache grew and my gut twisted with guilt, and just the tiniest bit of jealousy.
I inhaled and pushed my petty emotions down. Leaning over, I rested my head on his shoulder. “This place looks just the way she drew it.” I sighed. “Remember when she decorated my hospital room with all of her pictures of this place?” For the first time in weeks, there was a lightness in my voice at the sharing of the memory of my best friend.
“She spent hours drawing this place to decorate your room,” Josh continued.
We reminisced over the next hour of memories of Chelsea. Josh even teased me about getting her into trouble when I convinced her to sneak me in my favorite fudge brownies during one of my hospital stays.
“Your nurse flipped her shit.” He laughed, causing me to as well.
“I know, but I wanted one sooo bad and Chels could never say no to me.” I giggled. That’s how it was with us. I may’ve been the sick one, at first, but I was the mischief maker while Chels was the quiet yet loyal one. Josh was the charmer of the group. “But you stepped in and easily disarmed Nurse Ratchet’s temper.”
His laughter bubbled up from his chest and my heart squeezed. I lowered my head, feeling ashamed for some reason.
After a lull in our conversation, Josh retrieved the urn that he’d lowered to the ground, onto his lap. The heavy mood as to why we were there in the first place returned. This is where Chelsea insisted we leave her ashes.
“I want to be outside, not left on a shelf or a mantel. I want to be a part of nature’s regrowth.”
She’d said those words just days before she died, making Joshua and I promise to carry out her wishes. I’d promised but had my doubts as to whether I could honestly ask Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong for their daughter’s remains. She was the light of their lives. But, once Joshua Townsend made a promise to do something, he carried it out, full steam ahead. Even if it broke his own heart to do so. And from the tremor I heard in his breathing, I just knew it was tearing him apart.
I silently watched as he pulled the lid off of the urn.
“We’ll do this together,” he stated, glancing down at me.
I nodded, obediently.
We stood and walked closer to the waterfall, where the water was a little more rough. We paused at the same time, a feeling overtaking us that this was the right spot. I felt the spray of water hitting my face and bare arms.
“Ready?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No … but it isn’t up to me.” I reached out to cup the urn, and Josh maneuvered his strong hands over mine.
“Rest in peace, Chels.”
“Rest in health, Chels.”
We stated at the same time as we set her free. A second later, my knees went weak as I heard the thud of the now empty urn falling right by my feet before I was again embraced in capable arms. We held onto each other as we cried. I’d never cried so much, not even when I believed my own death was inevitable. The tears felt like they would never end.
