“No, it’s not fine. I, uh, I shouldn’t have questioned you like that, in your office, no less. It was rude and inappropriate. I’m sorry.”
He tilted his head and looked at me. My words hung in the air between us before he smiled. “I appreciate that, Chanel. Thank you.”
I sighed in relief. I’d felt guilty about my behavior for weeks but just didn’t have the guts to call him to apologize. In that regard, I was glad he’d taken it upon himself to stop by.
“Now that that’s out of the way, we can discuss what Ireallycame here for.”
It was my turn to give him a sideways glance. “I thought you were visiting an old friend.”
“I was, but that’s not entire reason I came over here in the middle of the day.”
I laughed a little at the conspiratorial smirk he gave me. That felt weird. I’d never had an easygoing relationship with my father.
“Sooo…” I prodded.
“I came to invite you to lunch.”
“Lunch?”
“Yeah, I thought it’d give us some time to talk about you joining the firm.”
“Talk?”
“Is there a reason you keep repeating me?”
I let out a short laugh. “Well, to be honest, I’m a little thrown off. I’m sure you can understand that, right?”
“I can.” He nodded after a moment of contemplation.
“We’ve never been close, and I do see you’re putting in more of an effort to now. I-it’s still hard for me not to hold the past against you.” I blew out a breath after finishing, proud of myself for expressing what I was feeling.
His face creased as he pondered my words. “I can understand that as well.”
“Can I ask you something? And I need your complete honesty. Even if you think the answer will hurt my feelings.” I placed my palms on my desk and looked him square in the eyes.
“That sounds serious. Okay, shoot.”
“Are you asking me to join the firm because you want me to work with you, or are you doing it for appearances?”
“Appearances?”
“Yes, I mean, it probably doesn’t look too good to your peers to have your daughter working for a rival firm.”
I watched his lips scrunch up as the contemplation on his face grew.
“Or maybe just to appease Jason, since he’s been asking since I moved back home?” I added.
He turned serious eyes on me as he bent his elbows on the arms of the chair. “That’s what you think?”
I shook my head. “I’m not sure what to think. That’s why I’m asking. We're being completely honest, right?”
His eyelids fluttered as he nodded.
I paused, carefully considering my next words. An image of the night of my tenth birthday floated to mind. I swallowed deeply, closing my eyes, willing the pain of that memory down. How do you confront the man who’d never wanted you?
“How come you never wanted me?” The words fell from my lips. I hadn’t meant to ask it like that, but they just came out.
My father was just as taken aback as I was. His entire body had stiffened for a moment before I caught his Adam’s apple bob up and down.
