“You finished packing?” he murmured low in my ear.
“Yes.”
“You got all my ties and shit right? Last time you left my favorite tie at the hotel,” he said while his hand found the zipper to my jumpsuit and began sliding it down.
“Yes, Ethan. I need to go take a shower.” Despite his apparent issue with my weight, the poking in my backside alerted me that at least one part of him wasn’t turned off. But that was the absolute last thing I wanted to do right now.
“You can take a shower later,” he insisted, sliding the top half of my jumpsuit down to my waist.
“Ethan, I don’t—”
“Don’t what?” his voice hardened, daring me to refuse him.
I clamped my mouth shut, lowering my gaze, not wanting to endure another incident that night. I’d learned to pick my battles over the years, and this was one I didn’t have the energy to fight. I was tired.
Could I live like this?I asked myself as he slid my jumpsuit all the way down my legs, and his hands snaked their way inside the seam of my lace panties. I closed my eyes and forced my body to relax into his.
It’ll be over soon enough,I consoled myself as he maneuvered the rest of my clothing off and pulled me toward the bed.
****
As I lay on the bed listening to Ethan’s light snores, I felt disgusted. More disgusted than I’d ever been in my life. Hours ago, I was at this same hotel a few floors up, supposedly celebrating my impending wedding with my closest family and friends. Not one of them had mentioned my recent law school graduation or the upcoming bar exam, except Xavier. I would say I’d never felt so alone in my life, but that’d be a lie. Sitting up carefully, to not wake Ethan, I grabbed my cell phone off the dresser, tiptoed my way out to the living room, and then the balcony. Lighting up my phone, I went to my contacts list and scrolled. I had no idea who or what I was looking for. I just wanted someone I could talk to right then. My thumb paused over a name I hadn’t talked to in over six months. My eyes blurred, remembering our last conversation.
“Why the hell don’t you just leave him?” she yelled at me. I’d never seen her so upset.
“Because I love him and he said he wouldn't do it again!” I’d exclaimed.
“Right, just like he said the last time, and the time before that, and the time before that, right?!”
I turned, staring at the cars passing as we stood outside the café we frequented for lunch. I couldn’t say anything. Gabby was right. Ethan had promised more times than I could count that he’d never hit me again. And for months, he wouldn’t until he did.
“Look, Chanel. I know you’re scared. Afraid of what your dad will say, afraid of failure, but look.” She paused. “Just come with me. Come with me to L.A. There are plenty of law firms out there. You’d have no problem finding a job. You could start over.”
My eyes watered at the pleading in her voice. She was begging me. Trying to save me, and that pissed me off. “I’m not your mother,” I snarked, regretting the words as soon as they fell from my mouth.
Her eyes widened as if I’d just smacked her. “Really, Chanel?”
“Gab, I’m sorry.”
She held up her hand. “Whatever. Are you coming to L.A. with me or not?”
I paused. “I can’t, Gabby. My life is here.”
It was her turn to look out on the passing cars. I could see the sheen of tears in her eyes. “Then I can’t be friends with you.”
Those words were like a punch to the gut. I sucked in air, trying to understand what she was saying. “Just because I won’t move to L.A, you can’t be friends with me?”
“No, this has fuck all to do with what city you live in, and you know it.” She looked me right in my eye as she let a tear fall. “You’re right. You’re not my mother. But if you stay with him, you will be just like her, and I can’t stand by and watch another person I love killed by someone who claims to love them.” Her voice broke like shattered glass at the last word.
She suddenly grabbed me, squeezing me in the tightest hug, and before I could even respond, she stepped back, kissed me on the cheek, turned and walked away.
That was the last time we’d spoken. Gabby’d let all my calls go to voicemail and my emails went unanswered. But as my thumb hovered above the word “Bestie” in my phone list, I knew I needed the one person whom I trusted with my life right now.
“H-hello?” Her voice was raspy, full of sleep.
My eyes watered and my knees buckled as I slid down the wall of the balcony. A sob broke free, but I quickly covered my mouth with my hand, not wanting Ethan to hear me.
“Chanel, what’s wrong?” Gabby’s voice was full of panic, but I couldn’t answer her.
