What the fuck was I talking about—I was the ridiculous one.
“Hey there,” Cynthia’s voice called out. “Who’s making you smile like that?”
She was closer than I thought, and I turned my phone face down. “No one.”
“No one? I see how it is.”
She sat down next to me. “You do know that if you’re interested in someone, it’s okay. In fact, it might make me feel a little less guilty if you started dating again.”
I shook my head. “No need to feel guilty. You did what you had to do.”
“I do wish I had figured things out sooner.”
This was a conversation we’ve had a couple of times, both with the help of a therapist and privately with each other. She knew I’d struggled with her coming out, that I’d had a hard time letting go, even as I tried my best to respect her and her wife’s relationship.
“I’m okay, though. You know that, right?”
“I do. I just . . . I know what it took for you to get to okay.”
What it took was time and throwing myself into my business and adding amenities—like the exotic animals—to the dude ranch, plus buying and renovating properties until I didn’t have a spare minute to focus on how fucking painful it all was.
“Yeah, but I see how Brandy treats you and our son, and that’s all I need to know. You may be my ex-wife, but you are also still one of my favorite people, and I would hate it if somebody treated you poorly.”
Her familiar smile warmed my chest. As recently as a few months ago, it still hurt, seeing how she was so much happier without me. Recently, though, my perspective finally shifted, and I understood her happiness came from authenticity, not from ripping my heart out through my ribcage.
Over the last few months, I’d also stopped going through the motions. I’d been merely cooperating for the sake of my son, but now it felt like a choice. A positive one. And the hurt I’d carried like a rock in my chest, that’d added lines to my face and silver to my hair, had somehow shriveled up and blown away. I was genuinely happy for her. For me, too.
I couldn’t say whether I actually wanted to get back into the game, but if I did, it would be with somebody who wantedme, not only as a friend, but physically and spiritually, too.
Skylar’s beautiful smile filtered through my brain, and I genuinely didn’t know what to make of the fact that I kept thinking of him in the same way I’d consider a woman I was interested in. I looked over at my friend, the one I used to tell everything to, and I wondered if, maybe, I could ask her a question.
“What’s this face?”
I opened my mouth to say something, then hesitated. “We’ll talk about it later.”
“Oooh, mysterious.” She reached out and grabbed my shoulder, looking me in my eyes. “You know I’m here for you, right?”
“I do,” I answered, no hesitation. “And I’m grateful for it.”
I let her know I’d be gone for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening, and she wished me luck.
Something told me I’d need it.
8
SKYLAR
I didn’t knowwhat I was expecting, having Kit come with me to look at this car. I definitely wasn’t expecting him to extend the test drive so he could check out the responsiveness. Nor did I think he’d crack open the hood or crawl around under the damned thing. He noted every minor scratch, and even though the doors look fine to me, he pointed out a tiny dent he felt should reflect a lower price.
The guy selling it to me wasn’t super thrilled with Kit’s eagle eye, but when I came back with the cashier’s check, he handed me the title with a grin. “You’ve got a good man there. Your boyfriend’s awfully protective.”
“Oh, he’s not my boyfriend.”
“You sure about that?” he asked, looking over at Kit. Who was looking over at us with his arms crossed over his chest.
“He’s straight,” I answered automatically.
“Sure he is,” the guy said, then stepped a bit closer to me. Kit scowled.
