Several of the students tittered, and Jaxon looked like he wanted to disappear under his desk. I help up my hand.
“In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m demisexual, and, to be honest, this is the first time I’ve ever said that out loud to a group of people.”
A chorus ofoOOooo’s went up around the classroom and I rolled my eyes.
“Menaces, all of you.” I grimaced. “But you should know that kind of reaction means that I would rather hide my sexuality than share it openly. And there’s nothing wrong with it. I’m gay and demisexual, and while it’s a certain sort of progress that I can be open about being gay, there’s still some space to go to make people like me, and people who are aromantic or asexual, feel comfortable in being open about that.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Lockwood,” a girl said from the middle of the class. “That’s kind of fucked up.”
I nodded. “Yeah, it kind of is. Actually, the thing that’s really fucked up is that there’s this hierarchy. And in this classroom, we can talk about being equal, but we know that when we go out into the world, straight and cis are the defaults, and it feels like there’s a similar hierarchy of sexuality and gender. It makes you want to lie about your truth.”
I darted a look over to Kess, and his eyes had never left me. He placed his hand on his chest, and a small smile played on his lips.
God, I was in trouble.
I looked over at Mrs. Ceballos, and she sent me a wink.Good job, she mouthed.
She then took up the torch and asked if anyone had questions. A few did, and then she left space for any who wanted to talk about whether this resonated with them.
After a few moments, Jaxon raised his hand. She let him speak, listening carefully as he talked about figuring himself out, and how he still didn’t know if he’d always feel this way or if he’d change his mind. She asked some really beautiful follow-up questions and ensured him that sexuality was rarely fixed, often evolving over time, and that wherever he ended up was always going to be just right.
By the end of the afternoon, two more students had raised their hands to discuss where they were on the asexuality spectrum and, once again, I was reminded why this work was so important to me. It was damn hard to make space for everyone. But when we did it successfully, there wasn’t a better feeling in the whole wide world.
Mrs. Ceballos stayed and chatted with Jaxon, and they made a plan to see each other virtually.
Sadie’s shift ended at the same time the class ended, and Austin traffic was always a nightmare, so Kess and I waited with Jaxon after his talk with Mrs. Ceballos. I didn’t mind waiting, especially since it was a perfectly good excuse to delay the conversation with Kess.
Our time was further extended, though, when Sadie texted and said she had to cover for a late employee and wouldn’t be able to take off for another ten minutes or so.
I showed Kess her text and asked, “Would you mind if we dropped off Jaxon?”
“Not at all.”
I texted her back.
Me: No worries. We’ll bring him home.
Sadie: If I weren’t so exhausted, I’d say no.
Sadie: But if you don’t mind...
Me: Not one bit.
The situation with my truck was hilarious. My little Ford Ranger had an extended cab, but that wasn’t saying much. Kess gamely offered to get in the back since Jaxon was taller, but that would’ve been ridiculous.
I let Kess drive while I sat in the back with my knees up around my ears. As he drove, he and Jaxon got along like a house on fire, and Kess got him to talk about things I’d never been able to get him to open up about.
“So, what’s interesting to you?” Kess asked.
It was better than asking a thirteen-year-old what he wanted to be when he grew up. Jaxon lifted his shoulders, then let them drop as if his answer was heavy.
“I don’t like being stuck inside. I get bored with video games. I think I’d die if I had to work in an office after spending all this time in school.”
“Preach,” I said and held out my fist. He bumped it.
“There’s nothing wrong with working in an office,” Kess grumped, which Jaxon found hilarious. “But if you prefer to be outdoors, that’s good to know.”
“I’ve heard Rowdy talk about the animals he works with, and that sounds fun. I mean, I’ve never even owned a dog, but I think I’d really like to work with animals.”
