I needed his peace.
I knew that I’d have to tell Holden, and I would… once I figured out how to explain that I was falling for someone who wasn’t Pops. He’d told me, a few months after Robert died, that he didn’t want me to be alone forever. Still, saying it was one thing—being faced with the reality was another. In the meantime, I wanted to keep this bubble that Major and I had built for ourselves a little while longer.
Beckett kissed Holden and Ru goodbye, and I followed him out. “Thank you,” I said, at a loss for words.
Beckett’s smile was sincere, though there was worry in his eyes.
“Say something,” I said. “I’m guessing you think this is a really bad idea.”
He frowned. “Not at all. You and Major seem good together. I can see how he would be healing for you.”
Even though I was touched, I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need healing.”
Beckett leaned against my front door and pulled a face that told me exactly what he thought of that statement. “Are you sure about that? Because I’m still healing from the loss of Mr. Paige, and he wasn’t my husband. And I can’t imagine anyone more willing and able to make you feel loved than Major.” Beckett crossed his arms as if to cut off any debate on the subject.
I curled my toes in my gardening shoes, nowhere near comfortable discussing this with him. “Major and I haven’t talked about love, or anything like that. This all started out as pain relief.”
“Sure, but what is it now?” he asked, using his gentle preacher voice.
“It’s more,” I admitted. “And it’s the kind of more that I’ll have to talk to Holden about eventually. But I need time.”
Beckett nodded. “I understand. Just know that the longer this goes on without you telling him, the more serious it gets between you and Major, the harder it will be for Holden. He’ll want to know why you didn’t bring him in at the beginning.”
I let out a frustrated sigh. “I do know my son.”
“I know you do, the same way I know that you don’t have any control over his reaction to this. I only ask that you make this as painless as possible for him.”
I took in Beckett’s worried eyes, the determined set of his jaw, and the way his tattooed hands now rested on his hips. He was serious in a way I didn’t often see from him.
“I agree,” I said, wishing I knew how to navigate this tricky situation. “You have to know I didn’t anticipate this. I wasn’t aiming for it. I didn’t expect it. Major was there in a really rough moment, and it didn’t take me long to figure out that he was somebody I could confide in. Rely on.”
“That’s who Major is at his core.” Beckett rocked on his feet, considering his words. “As much as I want you to be careful for Holden’s sake, I’m going to ask you to be careful for Major’s sake as well. If he’s in this with you, it’s new territory for him. And he’s probably terrified.”
My eyes fell to the family portrait on the hall table. I ran my finger along the frame as Robert smiled up at me. I was gratefulto have someone to talk to about this. “I will. You’re a good friend, Beckett.”
“Damn right I am,” he said with a laugh, surprising me by pulling me in for a hug. “Remember that.” We held each other for a moment, and…fine. I’d let Major’s affection heal me.
“Do you have time to join us for breakfast before your appointments?” I asked. “All these strong emotions so early in the morning have drained me.”
He pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the screen. “Sure, but I can only stay about twenty minutes.”
“You think we could convince Ru to eat before we start our little project?”
“Do you have any bacon? Pretty sure he’d sell one of my kidneys for some bacon.”
I chuckled. “I always keep some on hand for him. You go grab the two of them, and I’ll get the food going.”
By the time I had the bacon frying, Holden and Hikaru had started foraging for the rest of breakfast.
“Ru, can you grab the jam for the toast?” Holden asked.
“Yes, Daddy.”
Watching them work together made my heart happy. We would be all right. We had to be.
Ru opened the fridge and started sorting through the condiments in the door. “Ooh, blueberries,” he said, pulling out the jar that Major had brought me. I grinned, enjoying the fact that he was a part of this meal even though he wasn’t here.
Ru set the jam on the counter in front of Holden, then went back to the refrigerator for the fresh-squeezed orange juice that he loved so much. Holden finished buttering the toast and picked up the jam. His relaxed expression sharpened as he examined the label.
