All of which was to say, I simply wouldn’t be able to avoid Major.
So I wrapped the framed artwork and hoped I could make it through the night without embarrassing myself.
The cheery beep of Beckett and Holden’s brand-new Subaru shook me out of my cycle of self-pity. I joined Hikaru in the back seat with the gift on my lap, and we chatted in Japanese. Holden was uncharacteristically quiet, and it took me a moment to piece together why.
Having made tonight all about my discomfort, I’d forgotten the significance ofwherewe were going.
Worst. Father. Ever.
It wasn’t like I’d forgotten the call that Robert and I had received the night Holden was nearly beaten to death by that horrible DeWitt kid and his shitty friends. They’d been at the senior summer bonfire, which was supposed to be a fun way to say goodbye to high school and hello to college, but DeWitt had tricked Holden into following him into the woods.
Holden had a crush on the boy and thought they were going to make out. That was not what happened. It had taken months of recovery and years of therapy to take back what they’d stolen from him.
The land had gone up for sale last year, and Sawyer quickly bought it. It was certainly his right to buy whatever property he wanted and build whatever house he liked, but as I was learning, he was a lot more thoughtful than his stoic outer shell would indicate. Sawyer was equal parts practical and kind. The parcel was close to his parents’ home, but he also wanted to rewrite the story about that godforsaken spot of earth.
All these years later, just driving past the site would still make Holden’s shoulders stiffen. That had gotten better the momenthe’d found out that one of the Lost Boys was repurposing it. Tonight was different, though. Tonight would be the first time he’d set foot on the property since that awful night.
Sneaking my hand forward between the front passenger seat and the door, I gripped my son’s shoulder. “You okay?”
He took a few deep breaths. While I couldn’t see his expression, I could feel the tight muscles under my fingers and hear his rough swallow as he sought an answer.
Beckett took his hand and made eye contact with me in the rearview mirror. “It’s been a little bit of an uneven day.”
Hikaru wrinkled his button nose. “Dad’s been crying. He said he got hurt there a long time ago, but that Sawyer was going to make it a place where the Lost Boys would always be safe. And he said we’d be roasting marshmallows.”
Once Holden had left for college, Robert and I went to trauma therapy—mostly so we could understand what our son was going through, but also because certain memories remained acute even years after the incident.
That same pointed feeling rose in my chest now, and I tried to believe what our therapist had explained: that it was a warning system, my body’s way of trying to prevent harm to me or my family. I told her that the feeling had never dulled for any of us, that it was still sharp, like a knife.
Her response? “Yes, but it’s your family’s knife. The three of you can wield it however you see fit.”
I repeated that line to myself. The sharp pain, these terrible memories, they belonged to us. And I would fucking stab anyone who tried to harm my son or any of his friends. Thinking of hisfriends meant I circled back around to Major, of course, but that couldn’t be helped.
By the time we reached Sawyer’s property, we’d all worked through whatever we needed to. Holden whistled as the trees parted and Sawyer and Hendrix’s house came into view, set like a jewel in the clearing. Their relationship had started in one of the rental cabins I’d inherited from Robert, and the location had clearly made an impact. Their new home was reminiscent of that cabin, though grander and more modern.
“This place is a perfect mix of the two of them,” Beckett noted, leaning over the steering wheel to get a better look at the house.
I gasped when I spied the small hand-carved sign by the driveway.Liebesnest. Robert had named our rentals, and that was the cabin I’d put Sawyer and Hendrix in. It was German forlove nest. As I rubbed my chest, I couldn’t help but imagine how much Robert would love the fact that they incorporated that name into their new house.
Sawyer had invited us to arrive a little earlier than the other guests, to give us a few moments to ourselves in case things got emotional. We exited the car and were greeted by Sawyer and Hen, who showed us around the property. Hikaru excitedly pointed out the beautifully stacked bonfire. I didn’t need anyone to tell me that Major had done that, because he was the one who worried about everyone’s safety.
Our hosts were especially proud of the pool area in the back. We’d known Sawyer’s builder had razed the wooded area where Holden had been hurt, but we were surprised to discover that he’d dug out the ground where Holden’s blood had been spilled and put in its place a pool and a pool house decorated with local stones and greenery to create a serene oasis.
Holden shed a few tears, but he was smiling the whole time. “It’s like you flipped my nightmare,” he said, pulling Sawyer into a side hug.
Startled, Sawyer stiffened momentarily before giving in to the gesture. “I just wanted a place where the Lost Boys could enjoy themselves and, uh, bring their kids,” he said, darting a look to Hikaru.
The symbolism couldn’t have been more meaningful. Joy and life over hatred and death.
Hendrix grinned at the sight of Holden’s arm draped across Sawyer’s shoulders. “I know it doesn’t look like it, but Sawyer’s thrilled that Holden likes what he’s done,” Hen said, giving me a friendly nudge.
We were about the same height, so I slid my arm around his waist. “Robert would be a blubbering mess right about now.”
“Good,” Hen said, turning his head to wipe away his own tears. “That’s good to know.”
We stood there, taking it all in. The sound of more cars coming up the drive put a nice period on the moment, and we made our way back to the front.
It didn’t take long for the rest of the Lost Boys to join us, and it was good to see everyone. Even Major.
