“Guess I’ll have to take your word on that.”
Had I realized that the universe was going to beat me upside the head with a baseball bat in this therapy session, I would’ve had my son accompany us so that I could weep quietly all the way home. Instead, I carefully packed away the pain because my grandson needed his Jiji.
Ru did a little hop and dance when I arrived to pick him up—apparently his therapist hadn’t pulled the rug out from under him. “H Mart?” he asked, giddy with excitement about going to his favorite Asian grocery store.
Shit. I’d forgotten I’d promised to take him there. We didn’t have much in the way of Asian groceries in Seguin, so it was smart totake advantage while we were in Austin. I just wished I didn’t feel like I’d been sucker punched.
“H Mart,” I responded with a plastered-on smile.
Watching his eyes light up as we pushed our grocery cart into the store made me a little happier in spite of myself.
“Jiji! They have Pocky sticks!”
Ru had run straight to the candy aisle, and I didn’t have it in me to limit his choices. We chatted in Japanese, and he let out a squeal when he found the KitKat section with all the Japanese flavors.
“They have the matcha ones!” he cried, holding the package in the air like a prize.
An older woman passed us in the aisle, and Ru sent her a small bow and greeted her in Japanese.
She smiled down at him, returning the bow and the greeting. She and I bowed to each other as well. “It’s good that you’re teaching him the language,” she said, giving us another bow before leaving.
I didn’t bother to correct her, but Ru’s Japanese, and his etiquette, were better than mine would ever be.
Given the amount of sugar Ru was about to consume, Holden would probably never let me take him into Austin again, but my grandson’s broad smile and the way he cheerfully called me Jiji helped put a bandage on the wound that had been ripped open in the previous hour.
I didn’t yet know how to fully live with grief and happiness, save for my time with Ru. For him and for my son, I would try to figure out the rest.
CHAPTER 17
major
I didn’t know which end was up. I’d been satisfied, even happy, with my life until I’d started sleeping with Ren, and now everything was awful.
Now that feelings had come into play, I was having a hard time getting excited for casual sex. Still, I had to start somewhere, so I’d scheduled a night with Roly and Heath.
Since they lived in Austin, I decided to drive in early and knock out a few errands. I first stopped by my favorite warehouse store to pick up some canning jars and bulk dry goods, especially important now that I was living with a six-foot-something goat who would eat anything in his path.
I’d also started following a woman on social media who had an easy-to-follow kimchi recipe, and my first couple of attempts had been pretty good, so I went to the nearby Asian market to grab the ingredients for another batch.
I was tossing some daikon into my basket when I heard Hikaru’s happy voice shout something about matcha KitKat. His excitement was infectious, and I was about to greet him when I heard Ren’s reply. Not wanting to be seen, but unwilling togo, I slid into an adjacent aisle, listening as they went back and forth in Japanese and English. From what I could tell, they were discussing the various KitKat flavors, laughing and joking about the fact that Ru’s fathers would never let Ren take him shopping ever again.
“But you’re my jiji. You’ll always be able to take me shopping.”
Ren had explained to me how meaningful it had been when Ru started calling him Jiji. Even though I couldn’t see him, I could imagine Ren’s proud smile, and I heard the emotion in his voice when he responded, “That’s true. I am your jiji, and I plan on shopping with you for a very, very long time.”
“Does that mean I can get both KitKats?” Ru asked with all the pluck of your typical eight-year-old.
“Okay, but we have to hide one of them.”
I laughed, shaking my head. Part of me wanted to peek around the corner and surprise Ren. But this was one of his prized grandfather-grandson days out, and I didn’t want to interrupt or make things awkward. I doubted he’d be as happy to see me as I’d have been to see him.
So I stayed in place, listening to the conversation of a man who adored his grandson. Eventually their voices drifted off as they moved to another department, and, feeling like I didn’t belong, I left my handbasket in the aisle and made my way out of the store.
Roly opened the door in a pair of criminally short shorts. He was a twunk—twink-hunk—through and through. His short statureand rippling muscles, not to mention his gorgeous features, always got my motor running. Or at least they had.
As with every other time I’d tried to fuck Ren out of my system, I wasn’t feeling it. Still, the appreciation that instantly lit up Roly’s eyes, plus the way his hands went to me as he pulled me down for a saucy kiss, made me feel a little better.
“Mmph, one of my very favorite bears,” he said dragging me past the kitchen and into the sunken living room. The three of us had had lots of good times in this room, and Heath was waiting on the couch, his robe open.
