“How did that make you feel?” she asked, no judgment in her tone.
“Like a dirty old man. Especially after I begged him to continue.”
She didn’t seem surprised, which was a small comfort. “What happened next?”
“More kissing and touching. And then we had sex in his office, against his desk,” I admitted, my face flushing hot.
“You seem to be troubled by that,” she noted, not sounding particularly disturbed by my revelation. “Do you feel as if you pushed him into a sexual situation?”
“I definitely instigated things, but he was into it and ended up taking excellent care of me. We agreed that it would be a one-and-done.”
“But it wasn’t,” she guessed, scratching out another electronic note.
“No, it wasn’t. A couple of months later, I needed his help with a plumbing issue, and our chemistry was so good that we went at it again. And after that, we kept seeing each other.”
“But you’re not seeing him anymore?”
I shook my head. “We’d agreed to keep it casual, but I could tell that he was starting to develop feelings for me.”
She stopped writing and lifted her eyes to mine for a moment. “Was he falling in love with you?”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “Maybe.”
“Mm.”
“Do you think I made a mistake in being with him?”
She finished her notes and paused to consider her words. “Real talk, I’m not particularly concerned that he was one of your husband’s students. He is well past the age of majority, and since he owns his business, can I assume he’s a mature sort of guy?”
I nodded. “Very mature. In fact, I kept forgetting how much younger he was. Some of it is that he has this beautiful, thick beard that makes him look a little older, and some of it is this peacefulness about him. He’s so calm.”
“You like that about him?”
“Very much.”
She tapped through a few screens with the stylus, then gave me an assessing look. “Do you think it’s possible that he’s not the only one who developed feelings?”
I drew back, shaking my head.
“No?”
“I just can’t… I can’t deal with this right now. I can’t deal with feelings. I love my husband too much.”
“And loving Robert means that you can’t love someone else?”
“I don’t know.” I considered her words, then shuddered at the thought. “It’s too soon. Too fast, too much. And Major’s such a good guy. I couldn’t… I couldn’t let him fall in love with someone who wouldn’t be able to give him what he needed.”
“What does he need?”
“I don’t know, but I’m guessing it’s not some old guy who still grieves for his husband.”
She frowned. “Is he not also grieving your husband?”
“He is. They all are.”
“And did he make your grief seem like a problem? Did he want you to ignore or hide the loss?”
I shook my head. “He brought him up all the time. Still calls him Mr. Paige, which kind of weirds me out. But no. He never minded me talking about Robert.”
