He followed me into the kitchen, his mouth open in shock. I doubt he thought he’d come over here to talk about his feelings.
That was too damn bad, because I didn’t have it in me to pull my punches anymore.
“So…” He hesitated, probably wishing he could change the subject. I knew how he felt. “Mr. Paige knew about my feelings for Hendrix?”
I rolled my eyes, annoyed that Robert had left it up to me to explain these things. The love of my life had enjoyed being cryptic, and while I was usually amused by his idiosyncrasies, everything about this morning was setting my teeth on edge. “My husband could be annoyingly perceptive at times. He always suspected you were in love with Hendrix, maybe even before you knew it yourself.”
There was a certain amount of agony in talking about love, but that’s what Sawyer needed, so I made us tea and let him pour his heart out. As Robert had suspected, Sawyer and Hendrix had succumbed to the magic of the cabin, and now those feelings Sawyer had thought he could suppress—or at least live with—were getting loud.
What did that remind me of?
Shut it, inside voice.
I could tell that Sawyer was struggling to accept the idea that Hendrix could love him back. He’d spent so many years assuming otherwise that his brain was having a hard time catching up, even though his body was moving full steam ahead.
Don’t even start. This is nothing like me and Major.
I was surprised to discover that Sawyer hadn’t looked into the numbers on the back of the compass. I’d assumed a smart guy like him would immediately research their meaning. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to delve into the unknown.
I understood that.
The numbers—+89° 15′ 51″— represented the location of Polaris, the North Star. I showed Sawyer my nearly invisible tattoo with the same numbers, and I didn’t even try to hold back my tears as I explained that Robert had seen both members of a good couple as each other’s North Star. With my heart beating painfully in my chest, I suggested to Sawyer that he be honest about his feelings with Hendrix.
I tried to convince myself that this had nothing to do with Major, but neither my head nor my heart was willing to cooperate. If they were going to collude against me, then I was super fucked.
Before I could spiral any further, I heard Holden’s voice. “Dad? Hikaru said he was helping you in the garden today.”
Hikaru often came over on Sunday mornings to help me weed my garden and gather any ripe fruits and vegetables. His arrival today was a godsend because talking to Sawyer had been agonizing, and I needed the distraction.
CHAPTER 15
major
I’d passed by Sawyer on my way out of Ren’s cul-de-sac, and we’d stopped and traded lovelorn updates. He and Hendrix had upgraded from fucking to making love, and that’d had Sawyer looking about as pitiful as I’d felt.
There were no two fools more miserable than us, of that I was certain.
After our pathetic exchange, I went home and took a shower, needing to scrub the smell of Ren from my body. Then I went to bed, burying myself under the plush duvet, intending to sleep for the rest of the day.
My phone buzzed a couple of times, but I muted it and pulled the pillow over my head. About an hour later, I was woken from a dead sleep, Leo’s ringtone an unwelcome summons. He was one of only a handful of folks who could ring twice to get through my Do Not Disturb.
“This had better be good,” I said, my voice wrecked.
“Mrs. Yuliya has been calling our emergency line for the last hour,” he said, his voice no better than mine.
“It’s Sunday. I have no guarantees for Sunday emergencies.”
“Yes, but it’s Mrs. Yuliya, and she needs help. Are you not going to help out a lonely ninety-year-old woman?”
I let out a long breath, cursed the old gods and the new, and sat up. Maybe helping someone would make me feel better.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “I can come in if you need me to.”
“No. Tell her I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“All right.”
By now I was awake enough to hear the warble in his voice.
