Fuck my life, as the kids would say.
I walked into my office and sat behind my desk, grumbling about technology and how I’d jinxed an otherwise perfect Saturday.
“Did you just mutter ‘Fuck Blackboard’ under your breath?” Seth asked, leaning against my doorjamb.
I jokingly glared up at him. Seth had been a good friend in the year since Robert’s death, taking over some of my classes whennecessary, even driving me home after an ill-advised happy hour with the other lit professors.
“Maybe. My day started off great, and then I fucked it up by acknowledging my good fortune.”
He chuckled, flopping into one of the chairs in front of my desk.
He and his husband had divorced around the same time that I’d lost Robert, and we’d been there for each other this entire year. I suspected he was interested in starting something with me, but he was cautious and respectful.
To be fair, I could do worse. Seth was my age, a bit taller than me, and he definitely worked out. He had started to go gray in his mid-forties, and now, in his mid-fifties, he had a glorious mane of silvery-white hair.
Aside from the messiness of getting involved with a colleague, though, I was uninterested for wholly separate reasons. I suspected Seth thought we’d be a good match because we were so similar, but one of the reasons Robert and I had gotten along so well for so many years was that we were very different in complementary ways.
“Seriously, what’s going on with you?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Just been distracted lately.”
“What’s distracting you?” He hitched up one side of his attractive mouth.
The question, and perhaps the assumption, prompted my brain to offer a different answer than the one he seemed to be going for. My Fridays with Major had become more and more important to me. More than I’d realized.
In fact, the thought of an entire week stretching out in front of me made yesterday seem like forever ago and next Friday forever away.
Seth leaned forward, resting his forearms on my desk. Sending me a private smile, he asked, “What’s that look?”
Yeah, I was going to have to shut this down.
“I’ve started seeing someone, and he’s got me distracted.”
The smile fled as he pulled back. “Oh, really? Do tell.”
“Big bear of a guy, in his thirties…” I shook my head. I was tempted to tell Seth that it wasn’t serious, but the words wouldn’t make their way out of my mouth.
It was for the best, obviously, that Seth thought my interest in Major was more significant than it was. I didn’t want to make things awkward between us by having to reject his come-on.
“I didn’t have ‘Ren Paige, cradle robber’ on this year’s bingo card.” His joke fell flat, and he crossed his arms over his chest.
I lifted a shoulder. “The heart wants what the heart wants. Also, he makes some damn good strawberry preserves.”
Come to think of it, I’d finished my jar. I wondered if that was a good enough excuse to stop by and see him. Hm. Maybe I wouldn’t have to wait until Friday.
Seth let his arms fall to his hips, and he slumped in his chair. “Guess I missed my window,” he said with a painful smile.
I traced a bit of wood grain with the tip of my finger, shaking my head. “No, it’s not like that. I treasure your friendship. Especially over this last year. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through it without you.”
I didn’t want to tell him that I didn’t find him appealing in that way. He was a very attractive man, but I’d never once had even a flutter for him. Most of that was grief, but when I thought of Major—and I did think of him—there was no comparison.
On paper, Seth was the obvious choice. Hell, Major had been my husband’s student, and he hadn’t even been old enough to go to school with Holden.
Shit.Major wasyounger than Holden. How the hell had that escaped my notice? Seth was right—what the hell was I doing?
And yet I’d still choose Major over Seth any day.
Seth knocked my desk twice with loose knuckles. This time his smile seemed more genuine. “It’s good to see you happy.”
