Eh. Maybe I’d leave the lyrics to the professional songwriter.
I walked into the living room, and my eye caught on Mr. Paige’s compass. I’d left it on the mantel when we first moved in and forgotten about it. I grabbed it and flipped it open, thinking about Mr. Paige’s letter to us and how he’d said I should find my true north, no matter what that looked like.
I couldn’t be more lost if I tried. I was smarter than this. I’d known for a long time that Hendrix was dangerous to my heart. Making love to him, though… As transcendent as last night was, I might as well have dug out my heart with a spoon and set it on fire.
I would never, ever recover from this.
I snapped the compass shut, wondering what the hell Mr. Paige had been thinking about, giving this thing to me. Why would I even need a compass when I had one on my phone? I flipped the cursed thing over and ran my thumb along the engraved numbers, scrutinizing them. They had to mean something, right? Every code we used on the property included those numbers.
Hendrix would be asleep for another two to three hours, so I put on comfortable joggers, tennis shoes, and one of the T-shirts I’d purchased from Hen’s first tour, then grabbed my keys and that damned compass.
Ten minutes later, I arrived in Ren’s neighborhood. As luck would have it, Major was in his truck, exiting the cul-de-sac as I was entering it. The last time I’d seen him, we’d gone to San Antonio and eaten at Jim’s, catching each other up on our fraught love lives. He’d admitted that Ren had reached for him in a desperate moment. Despite Major’s initial hesitation, he’d taken care of Ren’s needs… and accidentally left his heartbehind. Since then, they’d continued hooking up, but Ren insisted that was all it was.
The Lost Boys never did do anything the easy way.
We stopped, our driver-side windows facing each other, and I could tell that something was wrong. Major was a serious guy, but I’d never seen him look so unhappy.
“Shut up,” Major groused, before I could even open my mouth.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Your face said it for you.”
My inability to control my expression was proof positive that last night had fucked me up. Maintaining a neutral facade had always been my superpower.
“Are you okay?” I asked, not sure if I was directing that question to him or myself.
Major’s meaty hands gripped the wheel as he checked the rearview mirror. He looked nothing like the Steady Eddie I knew him to be. While I was the stoic one of our group, Major’s quieter tendencies had a peacefulness that folks were drawn to.
Usually. Maybe not today, though.
I wondered again why I couldn’t have fallen in love with him. My heart was turning out to be a really fucking inconvenient organ, despite its usefulness in keeping me alive.
“Not right now,” he finally answered, “but I will be.”
“What happened?”
He sent me the world’s saddest smile. “Ren broke things off.”
“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry but not surprised, I take it.”
I was tempted to lie, given how vulnerable he looked, but he’d never let me get away with that. “No, but that has more to do with Ren than with you. If it means anything, I hate seeing you like this.”
“It does.” He squeezed the wheel again, then lifted his chin at me. “You visiting Beckett?”
“I was actually going to ask Ren about this compass that Mr. Paige gave me. Maybe I should save it for another day.”
“Nah, don’t worry about Ren. He’sjustfine,” Major said bitterly.
“Seriously, what happened?”
“Nothing.” Major sniffed and turned his head—to wipe away a tear, I suspected. “Nothing happened. From the beginning, Ren has only ever been truthful about his inability to start a relationship. My mistake was that I thought I’d be able to change his mind.”
I couldn’t stand for my friend to be alone in his sadness, so I added my hat to the ring. “If it makes you feel any better, I ignored the fact that Hendrix doesn’t do relationships. So, when he asked me tomake loveto him last night, I did.”
Major startled, his mouth opening with shock. “Oh… shit. Dude, that’s?—”
