I stood. “Thank you for letting me know.”
“Mr. Walker—” she started.
I walked out the door, not waiting for her to finish.
Numb, I got into my truck and made my way to my apartment, where I sat on the couch and stared at the wall. My phone buzzed over and over again, but Ozzie was right. No good could come from a buzzing phone.
I flipped on one of the queer shows Ozzie had suggested, then cried into a throw pillow as I saw those kids fighting for some fucking sliver of humanity. I didn’t even fully understand my own sexuality, and I was already tired of the fact that homophobia was the expectation.
About halfway through the first season, someone started banging on my door.
“Walker!”
It was Ozzie, and I couldn’t face him.
“Walker, I know you’re home—I see your car. Why aren’t you answering your phone?”
I snaked my hand out of my blanket burrito and picked up my silenced phone, turning on the screen. Seven missed texts and three missed calls from Ozzie.
“I’m sorry, I just need to be alone,” I called out.
“Walker, open the door.”
Sighing, I sat up and tightened the blanket around me. He continued to knock, so I stood, wiggled my knee so that it wouldn’t give out, then trudged to the door. I opened it a crack. “My mother called the school and admitted she was the one who put in the anonymous report, and she told them I had groomed Leo.”
“What?”
“When you came by to get your tire repaired, the joke we made about getting him and Lovett together? The fact that we’ve all facilitated them meeting up? She’s spinning that into some nefarious scenario.”
“How is that grooming?”
“I don’t know—I was teaching him to be gay by telling him to wait until he was a more appropriate age?”
“So they can just say whatever they want and ruin your career?”
“Looks like it.”
“Are you gonna let me in?”
“I… I need some time to myself. I feel like everything I touch turns to shit, and I don’t want to fuck up any other areas of your life.”
“Baby,” he said, leaning against the doorframe. “You going through a hard time isn’t bringing shitty things into my life. This is why people come together, so that we can support each other through shit like this.”
“I hear you, but I need some time to be not okay. I’ve spent five years getting my degree, one year actually teaching—and failing, partially—plus one summer trying to make it all better. And now they’re not even letting me teach this semester. So I’ll be fine, I just fucking need a moment.”
He opened his mouth to protest but stopped himself. “I’m here for you, and I’m gonna check in on you.”
“Thank you.” I gently closed the door in his face, knowing I’d lied to him.
I didn’t know if I would be okay ever again.
CHAPTER28
ozzie
On Saturday, we were scheduled to install the first set of bunk beds at Lupe. I showed up early. I didn’t want to be there—not without Walker, anyway, but he was still in his self-imposed exile. I knew he was alive, because he kept telling me he was okay through his door… which he still wouldn’t open for me. I didn’t know how to help him fix this, and it had been two days since I’d laid eyes on him, and I was fucking losing it.
I was also ignoring the small voice inside my head that said he might not want my help after all this.
