I wrinkled my nose. “He’s got a handful of queers at his beck and call. Why not figure things out with one of us?”
Beckett raised his brow. “One of us? That’s awfully generous of you.”
“You know what I mean,” I said, tapping the tines of my fork on the table. “No need to bringstrangersinto the equation.”
“I don’t know,” Major said, grinning. “Strangers can be fun.”
“Shut up.”
Joel tried to tap my elbow and missed, hitting the table instead. “What are you going to do?” he asked, his breath smelling like vodka and pancakes.
I inhaled slowly, filtering through the possibilities. “I’ll get closer to him, maybe amp up the flirting. See if I get a reaction.”
“So you’re not gonna say anything?” Sawyer asked.
I took another bite of waffle. “Don’t wanna scare him. He seemed pretty freaked out when he left.”
Beckett shook his head, then stopped and laid his cheek on the table. “I don’t think he was freaked out.”
“You don’t?” I asked, listing against Sawyer.
“Nope. Dude was horny as fuck. But he didn’t want to get off with a stranger. Dollars to donuts, he got a room and had some fun with his hand and a mental visual of you.”
“Becky, I swear to Jesus, I don’t care if you’re a priest. I will fuck you up.”
“I’m just saying. He’s done a lot of volunteer work at the Meeting House over the last year, and I’ve gotten to know him pretty well. I think you’re right—a direct approach might freak him the fuck out. The slow play is the way to go. Get him comfortable with the idea. It’s not about trying to convince him to give guys a shot. He’s convinced himself. Now he has to figure out what that means. We’ve all been there. We’ve all had our ownoh shitmoment. His just came a little later.”
I used the edge of my fork to carve off a piece of waffle and pointed it at him. “It frustrates me when you are both the chief troublemaker and good advice giver in the same sentence.”
Beckett brushed his shoulder. “It’s a skill.”
“I can see why Leo is such a menace. It’s from hanging out with you.”
“You know it.”
“So? Operation Help Walker Come Out is underway?” Joel asked.
“Looks like it,” I said, running my teeth over my bottom lip. I’d made a lot of bold decisions in the last year: moving back here, going into business with Joel, choosing to deal with the low-level bullshit that was small-town Texas in exchange for the friendships. For some reason, this thing with Walk felt like the scariest thing I had done yet.
I was a weird mix of nervous and hopeful, but I also knew that once I put my mind to something, I usually got what I wanted.
Walker, I’m coming for you.
CHAPTER15
walker
I’d spent the rest of Saturday night—and a good part of yesterday morning—alternating between sleeping and fucking my fist. By the time my mother texted me to ask why I wasn’t at church, I had the sort of mildly chafed clarity I couldn’t have gotten from a thousand Sundays in the pews.
When I got home from San Antonio, I’d applied balm and given my poor, overworked penis a break—after deciding I’d spend my Monday off exploring.
I had never been more grateful for overnight delivery than I was this morning. My brain had quickly moved from jacking off while picturing Oz to thoughts of what we could do together.
I understood porn was not realistic, but watching gay porn, this time on purpose—with my browser in incognito mode—turned me on like nothing I’d ever watched before. It turned out there was a lot I’d be willing to try with Ozzie.
I’d always thought Ozzie had a fucking amazing ass—yeah, I heard it—and now I could imagine it under my hands. I could imagine fucking him.
But, and this sort of embarrassed me, it hadn’t taken long to start imagininghimfuckingme. I’d looked up details on anal sex, and it was intimidating as hell. Even so, the thought of receiving didn’t turn me off.
