Did it?
“That’s because he doesn’t know,” Joel said as if it were obvious.
I pulled a face. “That doesn’t make any goddamned sense. How do you not… know?”
Joel pointed at himself with both hands. “Dude, you’ve heard my pathetic coming-out tale more than once. I had to get blown—accidentally—by a cute twink at a college kegger before I put two and two together.”
“Remind me again how you managed toaccidentallyget blown by a twink?” I asked, shaking my head at my goofy friend.
“I told you—I thought he was a girl with a pixie cut.”
Oh, right. I chuckled—it had been a pretty epic way to figure out his queerness. “I can’t believe you just rolled with it when he pulled out his dick.”
Joel lifted his hands, unconcerned. “Then I thought he was a trans woman, and I didn’t want to be an asshole about it.”
Tristan face-palmed. “God, I love you.”
Joel nuzzled his man, then returned his too-sharp gaze to me. “I’m telling you, Oz. There was an entire list of shit I did—and felt—that, in hindsight, was completely gay. Y’all were my friends in high school, and I was Captain Oblivious, president of the No-See-Ums Club, couldn’t have found a clue with two hands and a flashlight.”
“Lots of people don’t fully clock their queerness until later,” I reasoned.
“Exactly, though you gotta wonder how many people are lying to themselves without realizing it.”
That might explain the awkwardness I’d seen Walker exhibit. And maybe even some of the judgment from his mother.
Fuck, that made way too much sense.
“It’s true,” Tristan said, palming his guy’s chest. “We’ve started to play Gay or Not Gay, because there’s a ton of stuff Joel does that he doesn’t realize is one hundred percent clockable.”
Joel leaned down to whisper something in Tristan’s ear, turning the slight man a hilarious shade of pink.
“Let me guess,” I grumped, trying not to begrudge my friend his disgusting happiness. “Gay.”
Tristan grinned shyly. “Very.”
Rubbing the back of my neck, I had to admit… I wanted to believe them. “I still think y’all are way off. But… maybe I’ll pay closer attention.”
“You do that,” Joel said, squeezing Tristan closer. “Because once you do, it’ll be pretty fucking obvious.”
I tapped the bar with the side of my fist. “If you say so.”
CHAPTER5
walker
Whenever I joined the Lost Boys for any kind of project or get-together, I always had a split second of fear. My brain liked to harass me into thinking this would be the day they realized their group didn’t need some straight hick with borrowed fashion sense.
Then I’d show up, and they’d act as if the exact person who’d been missing from the moment was me.
I wasn’t used to that kind of welcome, even—especially—from my family. It was kinda the opposite, actually. I’d often walk into family gatherings and get the feeling they’d been talking about me. No one ever said anything, of course, so I had to carry my suspicions around with me.
Sometimes I couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing, being able to see the stark difference between the way my friends included me and the way my family didn’t.
“Walker!” Beckett called out, jogging over to give me a big hug. “Haven’t seen you these last few weekends—I’m so glad you’re here. Come meet Hikaru.” He gestured to the small boy standing between Holden and Ren.
I didn’t know all the details, but Hikaru’s parents, who’d moved to Texas from Japan, had died under some bad circumstances. He was now being fostered by Holden and Beckett, though I suspected they’d be adopting him as soon as it was possible. Ren and the late Mr. Paige had adopted Holden when he was about Hikaru’s age. While I’d never call Hikaru lucky, I was grateful he’d landed with a family who knew how to love him to pieces.
I knelt in front of the little boy with the bowl haircut and the stick figure arms. “Hello, Hikaru. My name’s Augustus, but everyone calls me Walker. Nice to meet you.”
