The way his chest expands tells me how much he wants this to go well. I’ve only been with two men before, and those experiences were…fine. Not earth-shattering like you read in romance books, and I often felt like an afterthought, as if they were already on the hunt for somebody cooler, taller, slicker.
Tonight, though, I could walk into a room full of tall, sleek men and Tolly wouldn’t see anyone except for me. I am so in awe of being one person’s sole focus.
We kiss, and I don’t know how, but each subsequent kiss is so much better than the one before it. I sink into the bed as Tolly lies on top of me, supporting his weight on his forearm as his expression reveals the depth of his feelings.
I know with absolute certainty that Tolly loves me. Not like a friend… no. He’sinlove with me. Has been for a while now. The nerves, the awkwardness… it all makes so much sense.
I wrap my legs around him, encouraging him to rub up against me, to feel everything.
Exploration finally turns into writhing and moaning and deep, searching looks between kisses I could drown in.
“Gael, I—”
“Me too.”
Within moments his posh sex sounds pitch up and he grinds his hips down on mine. Warmth floods the space between us and everything goes white with pleasure, the earthy smell of him making my brain fuzz and rattle.
“Tolly—”
I come, and keep coming. I’ve had orgasms that felt like electricity, fast and brutal. But my body takes its time with these sensations—the cresting wave of pleasure, the warmth of our mingled release, the way it feels when his eyes take in every detail of me.
It feels amazing to rub off against him, of course, but the thing I’ve been desperate for, even more than our intense physical connection, is the sense of home. I think of the bed at my mother and father’s home, and suddenly it doesn’t feel like mine anymore.
Tilting my head back, I’m dazzled by the starry night sky through the multipaned window over the bed as I lie surrounded, dreamlike, by gorgeous linens and beautiful plants.
This, says the soft voice inside my head.This is home.
5
TOLLY
I’ve been awake for an hour, watching as the sun’s light and shadows move across Gael’s beautiful face. I was so nervous last night. I wasn’t expecting him to want to come to my place, and then, when I got him here, I was… My brain glitched. But then he led me to the chair over there, which I will be buried in, and showed me he feels the same.
He saw that I was nervous and he helped me.
One would think kissing, touching, and coming with him would make me less nervous, but that is not the case. I’m even more of a wreck this morning because now I know how much I have to lose if he decides I’m not it for him.
All last night did was confirm he is the one and only for me—and will only ever be such. He’s not just the most gorgeous, sexiest man I’ve ever met. He’s smart, he’s warm and funny, and he’s come out on the other side of something horrific stronger and more determined to do right in the world. He’s so perfect for me that if he decides last night was a mistake, life will be meaningless.
Which is how I find myself stuck between his beauty and my fear.
I love the way his eyelashes fan out across his cheeks. How his nearly black hair shines in the morning light and his thick brows wing out to the sides. His features are so different from mine. I feel pale and bedraggled next to him. Even yesterday, with leather stains on his fingertips and sweat across his brow, he looked so regal.
And I know regal.
He could walk into court and outshine every single one of those inbred assholes.
“You’re staring,” Gael says. His voice is rough with sleep, his eyes closed, even as a sneaky smile turns up the corners of his full, perfect mouth.
“It’s not my fault you’re this beautiful first thing in the morning.”
He opens his eyes, and the sun highlights their russet coloring.
“You keep talking like that and you will never get rid of me.”
Thank God.
“Note to self: tell Gael he’s beautiful every day for the rest of his life.”
