I do as asked. He positions his thumbs on either side of my jacked-up nose and, with a quick, agonizing adjustment, snaps it back into place. Javier hands me a warm washcloth, and I gingerly wipe down my face. Taking a deep breath, I look to the ceiling for the words.
“I…me and Charlie, we’ve been doing this for a while. You know, there’d be nights where we’d both cry ourselves to sleep after seeing something so horrible. But then it got…I dunno. Routine?”
Taking another breath, I curse the stupid tears and wince at the bruising pain radiating from the center of my chest. “Then you came along.”
I swallow down the wretched sadness that threatens to take me out. That night is as fresh in my mind today as it was over a year ago. Ant looks up at me with frustration and affection—which I do not deserve—at war in his eyes.
“Ant, that look you gave me when you got into the back of my truck? I’ll never forget it,” I choke out. “You weresobrave andsoterrified. After that, there was no way I was letting you out of our sight. Whenever I think about what those men did to you, I want to fucking curb-stomp every single one of them.”
“Then why is it so wrong that I want to do the same thing?”
A completely reasonable question. I hate it.
“It’s not wrong, Ant. Or maybe it is. I just…you’ve been saying it this whole time, but maybe you needed to hand me my ass so I could hear it. You are not the things that happened to you. You have worked too hard to put yourself back together.”
“Do you mean it?” he asks, some of the anger finally bleeding from his expression.
I nod. More than he could ever know.
“I…you can’t go out there by yourself. You’ll gethurt.” My voice cracks, but I keep going. “I know you will, and it’ll fucking kill me.”
“I can’t let them live, Erik. You have to know that.”
“I know, but I can’t let you go out there alone. I just…can’t.” I rub my forehead, already regretting the words before I even say them. “The only way this works is if I go with you.”
He draws his chin back, confused.
“You want to go with me?” he asks, sending a puzzled look to Charlie.
I lift my eyes to Javier. “What did they use to call me?”
“The Silent One,” he answers gravely.
Turning to Ant, I take hold of his small, deadly hands and kiss his bloodied knuckles. “If you let me, I’ll be your Silent One. I’ll go with you and be there when you take out these motherfuckers.”
“What about all these ops we have coming up?”
Charlie answers, his voice grave. “Wimberley’s guys are more than happy to help us pick up the slack.”
Ant looks from me to Charlie and back again. “Will you really let me do what I need to do? Even if it gets ugly?”
A tear tracks down my cheek. “Yes. I promise. I’ll protect you while you do whatever you need to do.”
“God, you are such a crybaby,” he says, wrapping his arms around my waist.
Even when he finds me irritating, he’s never been able to stay mad at me. I try not to think about what that means.
“Oof, careful. Some guy just kicked the shit out of me.”
He lets out a funny sound, like a sob-laugh or something, and tightens his grip. We’re both crying and laughing in the hallway, with Javier muttering “Pinches locos” behind us.
“What the fuck is going on here?”
Ant and I crack up as Anders enters the hallway, his silver case in hand.
“Charlie sent me this bonkers text saying Erik was about to need my services, and I didn’t believe it.”
“I do, cousin. This one,” I say, gesturing to Ant, “broke my nose, fucked up my elbow, and my knee is in so much pain I can barely stand.” I chuckle, then wince and rub my chest. “Ow. Fuck. He also may have cracked my sternum.”
