I take a deep breath, nodding as I find his caring eyes. “I have never been more okay in my entire life.”
His proud little smile just kills me, and I lift for a kiss, squeezing around him. He growls at the back of his throat and pushes in deeper. I’ve overheard him and Charlie talking about how he’s this super toppy lover, and I guess I thought it meant I’d have to be ready for him to be rough.
It’s Erik, though, and he would never hurt me, at least not intentionally. He’s being genuinely considerate—even as he pulls me down onto his full length—and I’m lost in the pleasure of it. I’d pulled up Luca’s site for exactly this result. Still, nothing about my extensive history with naked men prepared me to be treated so kindly.
He raises his brows, a silent check-in, and I nod, slowly rolling my hips as I work through the reality of a lover who takes my comfort and pleasure seriously.
I didn’t know it could feel like this.
I whimper when he starts playing with my softened cock, making yummy, happy noises as he teases it back to hardness. Satisfied with his work, he kisses me again, pairing that with careful upward thrusts.
I momentarily consider how much it’s going to suck when this trip is over, then dismiss the thought. Tonight is about taking something back. Or, since my autonomy—a word Hedy taught me—was stripped from me, tonight is about giving myself the thing I never had.
Permission to enjoy pleasure.
Permission to—oh fuck.
“What did you just do?” I gasp, pulling myself back into the moment.
He stops immediately. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
I shake my head, gripping his shoulders in case he tries to run off. “You angled and hit…something. Do it again.”
He frowns and thrusts up with a tilt of his hips.
Jesus Fucking Christ. My eyes blow wide open, and I begin to beg, to babble, to speak in tongues. I remember being instructed on how magical the prostate is, but that was always for the johns’ pleasure, never mine. Maybe I’ve always been too numb to enjoy it, or maybe Erik is the first man who’s ever purposefully targeted it, but…
“Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, don’t stop. Please—fucking hell—keep doing th-that,” I whine, thrusting down every time he angles up.
Something dark and beautiful crosses his features, and he changes his grip—one hand is still on my hip while the other finds my shoulder. He yanks down and thrusts at the same time, and I let my head drop back. My jaw goes slack as my eyes roll back in my head as pleasure like I’ve never felt before floods every muscle fiber and synapse in my body.
Suddenly, I’m hit with the shock of an orgasm so complete I lose sight of consciousness for a second. When I was in the life, I’d read somewhere about thepetit morte, the act of briefly losing consciousness during an orgasm. Sometimes, if I thought it would move things along, I’d fake it to make the guy think he was the best lover ever.
I didn’t think it was a real thing.
“Ant?”
I blink my eyes open, and Erik, still inside me, has stopped with a worried expression. He mentioned getting growly and possessive in the middle of things, but this look? I nearly faint again.
I shake out my muscles, and he sucks in a breath. Squeezing tight around him, I grab his shoulders again, kissing him, rolling my hips. I whisper into his ear, “You fucked me stupid, lover. Keep going.”
That darkly passionate expression filters over his face again, and he pulls me off him, laying me back so my head rests on fluffy pillows. Hovering, he looks down at me like I’m some kind of puzzle or magic trick. He waits for a beat before dragging down one of the pillows and setting it under my hips.
“Oh, fancy—”
He thrusts forward, punching the air from my lungs as he enters me again. Automatically, I wrap my legs around him and move with his thrusts. I came so hard I can’t imagine coming again tonight, but the power of him moving in my body is so new and unexpected, I giggle.
It’s a sexy giggle. Shut up.
Even better, his dark, dangerous expression breaks, and he laughs, low and deep enough to feel. His hand goes to my shoulder and he skims his thumb up and over my Adam’s apple with a wistful look.
“I don’t like being choked, but a hand necklace is a lovely accessory,” I say, arching against his thumb.
His switch back to Dark Erik is immediate and satisfying. Carefully wrapping his fingers around my neck as his blown-out eyes bore into my soul, he speeds up his thrusts.
“Harder,” I beg. My cock has somehow managed to revive itself, a fact that fucking takes my breath away.
“Coming,” he grunts, shortening his thrusts, his hips shuddering until he comes with a big, gasping breath.
