There’s no question it’ll be an impalement. As I stroke myself to full length, I worry my dick could hit his rib cage if I’m not careful.
He peeks over his shoulder again, his hips swaying. My hand falls to his ass, and I cup the perfect tiny-but-plump cheek. Grabbing the lube, I warm some up in my hands, then pull his cheek to the side, admiring the sparse fan of dark hair as I swipe my thumb over his sweet little hole.
He drops his head down, breathing heavily, pushing back against me. For over a year now, I haven’t wanted to think of Ant this way because so many people did that against his will, and I wasnotgoing to be one of those people.
To beinvitedto view him this way, though? That’s something else.
Lazily swirling my thumb over the sensitive, puckered skin, I press gently. Before I can push inside him, however, he stiffens.
I pull away. “Ant?”
He takes another big breath and cants to his side, landing on his hip. “Dammit,” he says, avoiding my eyes. “This isn’t going to work.”
13
ANT
Erik starts to edge off the bed, and I put my hand on his, stilling his retreat.
“I’m sorry, let me rephrase. You fucking me from behind isn’t going to work.”
He stitches his brows together, asking gently, “Is it a trigger?”
I snort, laughing at how soft he’s being with me. Hurt flashes across his eyes, and I crawl up to him, giving him a hug. “I’m not laughing at you, promise. I just…you’ve been so mad at me that you worrying about my triggers is kinda cute.”
Erik sits on the bed, naked and cross-legged, his damp hair hanging past his shoulders, his expression so damn sincere. “I haven’t been mad at you.”
I mirror his position and raise my brows. He lowers his chin, skimming his large hands over his legs.
“I’ve been really fucking worried for your safety. That’s not the same thing.”
I take his hands, stopping their nervous back-and-forth movements. “Trauma is rarely linear, Erik, but everything I do is mine. The thought of sex doesn’t bother me. Not anymore.”
“But from behind…?”
I shudder. “Too impersonal for the first time.” I bite my lip and rock forward, then decide to keep going. Crawling onto his lap, I tuck under his chin and explain, “I just wanted to see you.”
One large hand palms my ribs while the other pulls me in close. “Really? Even if all you’ll be able to see is my chest?”
I chuckle. “I just want to see that it’syoufucking me.”
“Oh,” he says, gently kissing my forehead. “Is that how you like it now?”
“Uh…” Sure, let’s go with that. “…yeah.”
“Okay.”
Instead of moving to lay me out on the bed, Erik cradles me even closer.
“Ant?”
“Yes?” I ask, breathing him in, rubbing my face against his strong pecs.
“Ant, look at me.”
I comply, leaning back just enough to look into his soft, curious eyes.
“Howdoyou like it now?”
