He gestures as though it’s obvious. “Uh,yeah. Sex with someone you care about? Someone you love? Forget about it.”
“Really?”
“One hundred percent. So…does this mean the big Viking finally made his move?”
I shake my head. “No, but…he’s looking at me differently. Like, at my body.”
“Do you like that he’s looking at your body?”
I shiver, thinking about the hug this morning. “Yeah. I do. A lot.”
“And he isn’t calling youkidanymore, is he?”
“Not after I broke his nose.”
Hopper throws his head back, laughing. “That’s brilliant. He’ll have no choice but to fall in love with you now.”
I lift my shoulders. “I dunno. He said he’s not a relationship kind of person. Still, I wouldn’t mind having him treat me nicely with no clothes on.”
“What’s your gut telling you?”
“That he’s attracted to me and feels conflicted about it. Like, if he’s genuinely attracted—”
“Of course he is. Everybody saw it last night.”
I flush.
Hopper lifts his chin. “So if he is attracted—which he totally is—what do you think’s stopping him?”
“This is just a guess, but if something happens remotely similar to anything some john liked once, he’ll freak out. Hell, I might freak out too.”
Hopper rolls his eyes. “That’s not how it works. For what it’s worth—and I’m really just guessin’ here—I don’t think you’ll freak out.”
“No?”
“Nah. You’re ready,” he says with enough confidence that I decide to believe him.
“Okay,” I say, then lean in. “I, uh, I think he likes that I’m small. Not because he can imagine me as a kid, but because the size difference is fucking hot.”
“Hell yeah, it is—you saw Mads and Anthony last night.”
“God, they are so sexy. I can imagine…”
“Exactly. Anthony isn’t gross because he likes the little guy. Mads isn’t gross because he’s all about Anthony’s muscles. Everyone wins.”
“I guess I’m also worried, like, everything I know about sex is from that life. So if he likes something…”
Hopper puts his hand on my shoulder. “Hey. First of all, context matters. There’s a huge difference between have to and want to.”
“True,” I say, thinking about what I’ve jacked off to in my imagination.
“Second of all, my theory is, if I had to live through that shit, then I get to use what I learned for my own pleasure. Hell, lots of people use past abuse in kink as a way to take shit back. When Liam handcuffs me to a chair and puts a gun to my head, it is a very, very different feeling than when the closet guy did it.”
“Liam puts a gun to your head?”
“So fucking hot,” Hopper says, biting a knuckle. “Though Anthony told us the gun has to be empty.”
“Something tells me you ignore his request.”
