I smile. Not because he’s attempting to cheer me up but because he genuinely believes what he’s saying.
“Thank you,” I say, gripping his hand. “The worst parts are my mother’s words still rolling around in my head. I’m pretty good at ignoring, rephrasing, or challenging them, but there are days when it’s especially hard. It’s why I’ve never dated seriously,” I admit. “It’s just too messy in my head, and I don’t want to burden somebody else with my bullshit.”
Ant rolls his eyes before sending me hisare you seriouslook.
“So someone like me should never fall in love? Never even try to have a healthy relationship? No kids for me?”
I scowl at the thought. “You can be anything you want, Ant. If you want to be in a relationship, you’ll be in a relationship. If you want kids, you’ll have kids.”
“Yeah, but according to you, I would be too much of a burden on someone else.”
“No, that’s how I feel aboutme.”
“Bit of a double standard there, don’t you think?” he asks, quirking his brow.
I open my mouth to respond, but he’s too quick. “Erik, you’re allowed to be whoever you want to be,” he says, throwing my words back into my face. “There are no exceptions to that rule, just so you know.”
“You can be awfully pushy sometimes, you know that?”
“You have no idea the things I’m capable of,” he says, huffing on his nails before buffing them on his shirt.
I gently cuff the back of his head, and he cracks up. The mood shifts, as does the subject matter. We spend the rest of the flight chatting, finding out more about one another. He even shares how flying is something he’s had to work on with Hedy.
“I’m not afraid of flying, not really. I got put on a lot of planes, and it was never to go to a better place. So the plane…”
“…was a signal it was about to get so much worse,” I finish for him.
“Exactly.”
I remember something from our first flight to the colonias. “One of those flights had taken you to Central Texas before, right?”
He nods. “To or from. I know I was in Texas, and the trees and hills looked the exact same. I wish I could remember more.”
“Was that when you were taken to Baytown before you were sold to the guy in Austin?”
His eyes widen. “You know, I think you’re right. Shit, I bet that was the flight I met Ginger on.”
“Ginger…” I ponder for a second why that name sounds familiar. Then it hits me. “She was the one who told us about you,” I say, remembering her strawberry-blonde hair and how she’d tearfully pleaded with us to find Ant “whatever it takes.”
He nods. “I sometimes think about reaching out to her, but I feel weird about it.”
“Really? Why? You know she works with Beckett, right?”
He scowls. “That hottie priest-slash-fuck buddy of yours?”
“Ex-fuck buddy, and yes. And you still haven’t answered my question. Why wouldn’t you want to see Ginger?”
He lifts a shoulder. “I don’t want to be this terrible reminder. I mean, Charlie let her know y’all found me, so…I dunno. I feel like maybe I should let it go, you know?”
“Hey,” I say, grabbing his hand. “You are too good a human to think you’re just some bad reminder to someone. I remember thinking you must’ve taken care of her because she wouldn’t let us leave without promising to find you.”
He dips his head. “I may have helped her a couple of times.”
“Then—and this is just my stupid opinion—you should reach out to her when we get home. I think she’d be thrilled to know how well you’re doing now.”
“Okay,” he answers thoughtfully. “I might.”
Knowing better than to push him on the subject, I switch gears. “Also, today’s issues aside, I hope flying with me helps replace those bad memories.”
