“That night we found you—you went with Charlie willingly. What made you trust him?”
“I didn’t trust him.” Ant pauses, biting his inner lip, thinking through his answer. “Charlie was cuter and seemed nicer than the guy I was with, so if he was lying about his intentions, at least he was more handsome.”
“He was the less-terrible option,” Yaya says gravely.
Ant gives a small shrug, and a sound like grief gets stuck in Erik’s throat. He coughs and looks off to the side before continuing, “So you didn’t feel safe when you went with him?”
“Well…he beat the shit out of the guy who bought me, which I really appreciated. There was this look in Charlie’s eye like maybe he was kind of horrified by how I presented myself, but impressed.”
I notice he doesn’t actually answer Erik’s question.
Yaya rubs his arm. “You are very impressive, my nephew. Very.”
Ant doesn’t seem to know how to take the compliment, and I make a note to talk to Hedy about that.
“Charlie once told me that if I hadn’t chosen to go with him, he would’ve taken me anyway and let time and circumstance convince me I was okay. He thought it would be better if I could maybe choose on my own. Choice isn’t something we get a lot of in trafficlandia.”
Javier kisses his temple.
Erik leans forward. “What was it like to be given a choice in that moment?”
Ant’s eyes go a bit unfocused, like he’s remembering the night all over again. “It kinda broke the mask. It was like suddenly, I couldn’t pretend for a second longer. I started changing out of those damned clothes and scrubbing off that fucking makeup, and he gave me the time to do it. After, when we met you in the truck, you had the same look. Disturbed and impressed. You were so big that I thought, well, if they’re not lying, nobody will ever touch me again.”
“Damn fucking right,” he responds, his voice a dark growl.
Yaya, whose demeanor remains calm despite the tears in her eyes, shakes her head. “You must’ve been terrified.”
Another shrug. “You kind of get used to it. Being afraid. Maybe Gael is right though. I still had that little part of me that was me, and even though I couldn’t fully trust Erik and Charlie in the moment, I had to give myself a shot. I had to give myself a chance to get away.”
“Bravest damn thing I ever saw,” Erik says, emotion touching his words.
The room goes uncomfortably quiet. At the same time, we all take a few deep breaths.
“None of this is easy,” Bram says, finally breaking the silence. “But all of it is worth it.”
We all tighten our holds on one another, nodding in agreement. After that, and long into the dark night, the conversation lightens and continues. Tears and laughter are exchanged in equal measure, and by the end, none of us really wants to leave each other.
One by one, we drop off, leaning against one another, sleeping through the break of dawn.
20
JAVIER
Yaya and Gael have extended their stay to spend more time with Ant. Justin and Nacho are being very generous with Ant’s time off, knowing how important it is to reconnect with family.
For the second psycho school class, Anders—we verified it was him—came with his friend, Parker, who works out of Wimberley in a logistics role. She’s cute and short with a killer sense of style and even sharper wit.
Ant was able to get Anders on the mat pretty quickly, but Parker, who is strong and has a lower center of gravity, proved much more difficult to beat. She showed him a few more techniques for smaller folks against larger opponents.
Apparently, her wife is on the operations side of things and likes to spar. Erik is pretty disgruntled that she bested Ant when he couldn’t, but he’s keeping it to himself. Even if he can’t quite keep it off his face.
I listen in as Parker chats with Ant about crime-scene etiquette, how to avoid detection and arrest, and gives him the number to the Bat Phone, Wimberley’s immediate response emergency number.
“You’re not to use this for prank calls and non-emergencies. Calls to this phone will pull operatives off active ops and send them directly to you. Got it?”
Ant sends me a wide-eyed look. “I’ll be too afraid to ever use it.”
“Believe me, sweetie, when it comes time to use it, you’ll be glad you have these people at your back.”
