She nods. “He’s a good man, isn’t he?”
“He is. He’s complex, and he’ll need support, probably for the rest of his life, but that’s not a bad thing. He’s a fighter, and he wants good for the people in his life.”
“Javier says he goes after bad guys.”
I startle at the revelation, but she grins and holds up her hands.
“I approve. I think more than Javier does.”
“That’s not hard. He’s really scared for Ant.”
“Ant is taking his power back, though, isn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’m grateful the people here are willing to teach him how to do it the right way.”
After an hour or so, Gael’s saddling up easily and getting Luna to follow some simple directions. By the end of the afternoon, we’re all dusty, sweaty, and smiling. Erik goes into town to go grab some pizzas while we wash up. We eat in the living room together, chatting and catching up.
After a day like today, I should be exhausted, but I can’t quite make my brain slow down enough to sleep. I know, philosophically, what we’re doing is a good thing. But as with most good things, you spend a lot of time going on faith before seeing any tangible effects. That’s what today was—proof of life for all our hard work.
I’ve never seen Ant smile so much or laugh so hard. Sure, he smiles and laughs with us, but there was a depth there today I haven’t seen with him. Frankly, I wasn’t sure he was capable of it.
He and Gael…I love his cousin so much for how he simply rolled with everything today. I know Luna and the other horses scared the shit out of him, but there was no way—no way—he was going to let fear stop him. He did it for the pride in Ant’s eyes, and it made me love his family that much more.
Anyway. I’m up, and everyone else is asleep. Leaving Javier’s warm bed, I walk into the kitchen, reaching for the chamomile mint tea to see if that’ll help. Once the tea is ready, I cozy up on the couch, pulling the softly knitted throw around me, staring off through the big windows overlooking the ranch. Pretty stars dot the horizon, and the weight of everything finally settles around me. A few tears fall as I sip the comforting brew.
“Couldn’t sleep, Lev?” Ant asks, coming to sit next to me.
I open my arm and envelop him with a hug and a warm blanket.
“This was one of the best days I’ve ever had in my life,” I admit. “I can’t seem to get myself to calm down.”
“Same,” he says, laying his head on my chest. “It’s like this whole new level of excitement I’ve never felt before. Even when good things would happen, I didn’t quite feel them. But today? I felt everything.”
“Amazing and so emotional.”
I offer him some of my tea, and he takes it in his small hands and enjoys a sip.
“Would you like me to make you a mug?”
Taking another sip, he grins. “Yes, please.”
I wrap him up in the blanket and pull down his favorite mug, setting the electric kettle to boil.
By the time I bring him back his tea, he’s settled into a pensive look. Once we’ve returned to the snuggly pose we had before, I lift my chin.
“What’s this look?”
He contemplates as he sips his tea, wrapping his hands around the warm mug. “I lost something, didn’t I?”
The therapist in me wants to ask him to clarify. Lost what? In what way? How does that make you feel? We both know, however, exactly what he means. So I go with the truth.
“Yes. You did. You lost something really important.”
“I thought it was only my childhood, but seeing Gael makes me think I lost a lot more.”
“The things you went through… Your mind did what it had to in order to survive. That changed things. Literally, your brain looks different than it would have had this never happened to you. The structure of your brain is different.”
